Episode 11
KEMI: onihaxy, please call your brother, time
is going and I need to go back home on time.
ME: ****scrolling through my phone*** I don’t
know what is delaying him since, he is
travelling today and he had to go on time.
KEMI: please call him abeg restless
ME: **dial segun’s number and placed on
loudspeaker****. Hello guy, where are you
now?
SEGE: bros I’m sorry, there was a long queue
at the ATM, when there was about 6 people
before me on the queue, the ATM went out of
cash and couldn’t dispense money.
KEMI: haaaaaaaaaaa **oh God***
ME: haaaa, so what are you doing now?
SEGE: I am on my way to zenith back ATM at
hospital road, I should be there in a moment.
KEMI: ***restless, I don’t think I can wait***
ME: segun please hurry up, my love has to
return back home on time.
SEGE: ok bro ****hanged up*****
ME: ***dropped the phone and turned to
kemi****. My love, please wait for few minutes,
he would be here.
KEMI: ooooooh God, I don’t like all this things,
my family must have be looking for me now.
ME: ***pats her on her laps*** I’m so sorry
my love. Please I’m sorry.
KEMI: ok, I will wait for only 20minutes. Go
and get my recharge card for me first.
ME: ***chaii, gbese!!!!!!!!, how I go take escape
this one oooooooo!!!**** ok dear.
KEMI: please hurry up.
ME : ok, let me go out and get it.
I picked my phone, went out of the house and
chat with segun.
ME: sege how far? Where you dey?
SEGE: I dey inside the joint wey dey down the
street.
ME: ok,
SEGE: wetin your babe dey talk?
ME: she say she go wait for 20 minutes for
you to be back
SEGE: funny. She go wait tire ooo. Just find
means take discharge her for today. She go
come back tomorrow.
ME: who tell you that one?
SEGE: I know her type, she no go wan miss the
awuf outing.
ME:hmmmm, I hear. But she dey demand for
card oooo
SEGE: like how much?
ME: 400naira.
SEGE: e no too much na, afterall you go pay
olosho 800naira per round of s#x if you go
ashawo joint . Go buy am give her.
ME: I hear.
I went to the vendor and purchased a
400naira mtn and returned to the room to give
her. She smiled when she received it and I
know that she would be like “since recharge
card don sure, shopping too go sure ni yen
oooo”. After about 17minutes of meaningless
gist, she became uncomfortable again and she
began to ask of segun. I picked the phone to
call again.
ME: sege, where are you?
SEGE: I dey on queue.
ME: please hurry up, my wife need to return on
time.
SEGE: there are many people infront of me oo,
it will take me about 40minutes to be back
home.
ME: ok, just hurry up. **hanged up***
KEMI: I’m not sure I could wait again, I need
to return home before my family began to look
for me.
ME: if they are searching for you, they would
have called you on phone
KEMI: I didn’t come with my main line that
they have.
ME: huuuuuh, eyah.
KEMI: let me go, we would see tomorrow.
ME: **yinmu***, and I wish you could stay a
little ooo
KEMI: no I can’t, tell your brother that I can’t
wait. We would see tomorrow.
ME: ok my love.
Kemi stood up from the bed and we both
walked out of the door. I waved at a bikeman
and told him where to drop kemi. I paid the
bikeman and kemi was driven off. About 3
seconds later, I got a whatsapp message on
my phone from segun, ” my guy welldone, you
don dey sharp small small”. I smiled on raised
my head up to the opposite direction and I
saw segun walking towards me.
Episode 12
Segun and I went inside my room, we began to
discuss.
ME: sege, that babe tight ooooo
SEGUN: tight as how?
ME: I mean the hole still tight
SEGUN: hissed, I thought you meant “she
is fine”
ME: but she fine small oooo
SEGUN: na true, pass bimpe sebi?
ME: got furious**** for where?, she no even
reach half of bimpe’s standard **** argument
continues
SEGE: ****counter argument*** she fine pass
bimpe, she get burst pass bimpe.
ME: “lailai” this one wey get pimples?, for
where?………..
SEGE: *** pats me on the laps****, onihaxy my
guy, I just wanted to hear what you would say.
I know still like this your bimpe.
ME: hmmmmmmmm
SEGE: its very obvious, if it could be possible,
I know you can reconcile with her again.
ME: no be so jaree. Kemi no just fine reach
bimpe.
SEGE: onihaxy onihaxy!!!, “oko bimpe”
ME: you no well
SEGE: just go and do HIV test, you hear?
ME: let’s put that aside jare, how is tomorrow
going to be?
SEGE: **** re-adjusted sitting position***,
onihaxy, I dey reason something
ME: what is that?
SEGE: let’s forget about any show tomorrow.
ME: why?
SEGE: there is nothing to defend yourself with.
ME: how?
SEGE: by now, she believed I must have
returned from bank and the money must have
been ready.
ME: so?
SEGE: what would be your excuse for not
taking her out tomorrow?
ME: *hmmmmmmmm and you have points
oooooo. So what do I do now?
SEGE: sebi you don Bleep her today, that one
don reach, just excuse her for tomorrow.
ME: give me an idea to use
SEGE: ******thoughts for a while*****. You
know what?
ME: what?
SEGE: just call her this night and tell her that
your boss called you to come to work
tomorrow morning but you will leave on time
so as to have the chance to take her out.
ME: it doesn’t make any sense, she would still
be expecting an outing.
SEGE: chai, you no get any sense at all.
ME: oya borrow me senses jaree
SEGE: when its tomorrow morning, you will
keep on calling her at intervals telling her to
give you little more time and that you would
soon be through. You would keep posting her
until the time is gone and spoilt.
ME: ***shake hands with segun***, sege baba.
Chaii, I never reasoned to that instance sha.
You too get sense.
SeGE: you no well ni. I told you, girls don’t
scam me, na me dey scam girls.
ME: sege baba ***hails**
SEGE: “oko bimpe, oko kemi”….
Segun and I had more discussions until he left
for his house. I saw him off and came back
inside my room to call kemi as instructed by
segun.
ME: hello love.
KEMI: hi dear, you couldn’t even call me since
morning
ME: I’m so sorry dear.
KEMI: no problem, is bro segun back
ME: ****silent****** hello, I can’t hear you.
KEMI: I said “is bro segun back”?,
ME: ** stammered**, not yet, but he called me
just now that he is on his way coming
KEMI: ok, so tomorrow, I would come in the
morning, and please I want to return early
because today, my family members were
insulting me for going out. So I’m sneaking
out tomorrow.
ME: dear, errrrrhmmmmm. There is a little
problem
KEMI: what is that dear?
ME: my boss just called that I should come to
work tomorrow morning for some assignment.
KEMI: haaaaa.
ME: don’t worry dear, I would leave there on
time so as to have time with you.
KEMI: ok, where is your office located?
ME: oba adeshida road.
KEMI: no problem, I would come and meet you
at work tomorrow and we would go for the
shopping directly from there?
ME: *******yeeee, I don jam****, ok dear
KEMI: and if you weren’t able to finish your
work ontime. I would collect the money from
you when I meet you at work tomorrow and
then do the shoppings on my own
ME: ****** I don enter am*** ok love
KEMI: alright dear
ME: good night ****hanged up****
Episode 13
After dropping kemi’s call, I was confused on
how to bail myself from the web I just entered.
I had just lied and now, the lies were hunting
me. I thought through and couldn’t get a
possible way out. I decided to involve segun
the event planner himself on whatsapp.
ME: sege, how you dey?
SEGE: oko bimpe, oko kemi, I dey oo
ME: you no well ni
SEGE: how far?, you don call your wife?
ME: that was what I wanted to discuss with
you sef
SEGE: gist me, wetin happen?
ME: the plan backfired
SEGE: how?
ME: I called her to informed her that my boss
told me to come to work tomorrow
bla..bla..bla……
SEGE: wetin come happen?
ME: she told me that she would come to meet
me at my work place.
SEGE: heeeeeeeeee, smart counter move
ME: she said we would go out for the
shopping from there. And if the shopping
won’t be possible, she would collect the
money and the gift you bought for her.
SEGE: haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
ME: tell me jor, what should I do next?
SEGE: can’t you think on your own?
ME: I couldn’t figure out any idea jor
SEGE: you no well ni.
ME: so what next?.
SEGE: ok, let me give you few ideas, then you
would pick anyone out of them.
ME: ok, I’m all ears.
SEGE: first one, call her tomorrow morning,
and switch off there after. Switch on the
phone on sunday night. Call her and inform
her that you had a flat battery.
ME: hmmmmm, nice one. Any other idea?
SEGE: here is another one. Don’t call her at all
tomorrow, switch off till monday, don’t call
her, wait till she calls you herself and then tell
her that you were robbed and your phone was
stolen.
ME: hmm mr sege!!!!!
SEGE: and here is another one. When its
tomorrow morning, call her to inform her that
you are going to work. And call her 2 hours
later to inform her that you are travelling with
your boss to somewhere to inspect a project
and you don’t know when you would be back.
ME: this your small head, na so so bad things
full am.
SEGE: that’s why I am referred to as the event
planner.
ME: lool.
Segun and I had some moments of chats
before we end it at 9:30pm.
I then sat on my bed thinking of the one to
follow one of segun’s game plans.
More at my9jarocks.info
Episode 14
After thinking for several minutes, I decided to
go with segun’s third plan.
I faced the mirror before I slept and tried
doing some rehearsals on how I would talk to
kemi. I woke up very early the second day
which was saturday. I prepared little breakfast,
did a little exercise until 8am when I decided
to place a call to kemi. Suddenly, I began to
fear. I don’t know where the fear came from, I
just observed that I couldn’t gather the
courage to lie to kemi.
Then I decided to call segun and inform him
about my predicament. He suggested that I
should come over to his place. “Who knows?,
kemi might decide to find me to my house
since she already knew the place”. I agreed
with segun, I dressed up and went to meet him
at home.
On getting to segun’s house. We had few gist,
then he gave me some courage, cheers and
some scripts to make the call.
ME: hello baby,
KEMI: hi love
ME: I’m on my way to work
KEMI: ok dear, what time should I come to
meet you at work?
ME: hmmmm. Let me get to work first and see
the situation of things, then I will call you
KEMI: no problem. Better still, text the address
of your workplace to me incase your number
becomes unavailable.
ME: oloshi**** ok dear, I will text it to you
when I dropped from the cab
KEMI: ok dear. Thanks for yesterday
ME: what did I do yesterday?
KEMI: the airtime you gave me.
ME: ***i thought as much, kemi would never
appreciate it if it were to be 100 or 200naira
denomination, you are welcome dear.
KEMI: *laughs, you know our elders says if
you appreciate what you were given yesterday,
you would get another one today.
ME: ****laughed***, you are funny
KEMI: so I’m expecting what the elders said
we should be expecting
ME: I hear. Talk to you later
KEMI: ok dear, bye
ME: bye dear ***hanged up***
Segun and I laughed out loud and started
talking about kemi. Segun said she is very
smart and would earn more magas with her
brain. We stopped gisting after a while then
we switched to segun’s laptop, he brought out
his game pads and we played winning eleven.
We were so carried away with the game that
we forgot about kemi.
At 12pm, my phone began to ring, I looked at
the screen and it was kemi. It was then that I
remembered about her. I was scared to pick
up because I don’t have the nerves to
fabricate lies to her. My badman event planner
geared me up again and did a fast mini
rehearsals with me for the last time. After 4
missed calls, I called kemi back myself.
ME: hi love, I saw your missed calls
KEMI: why aren’t you picking up?
ME: I was with my boss when you called. And
you know it would be embarrassing if I should
pick calls in his presence.
KEMI: ok dear, should I start coming
ME: eeeeeerrmmm
SEGE: *****throwing up his hands as a sign
telling to speak up*****
ME: eeeerm kemi, my boss wanted me to
follow him to inspect a project, that was why
he told me to come today.
KEMI: ok, let me come before you guys leave
for the project.
ME: we are already on our way to his car,
infact, his car is about 6 feet from here.
KEMI: so what will happen now?
ME: we won’t stay long. I’m sure we can
exceed an hour. When I’m coming back, I will
call you.
KEMI: ok dear. I love you so much
ME: I love you too. Bye ***hanged up***.
After the call, I dropped my phone and looked
at segun.
SEGE: *****shake hands with me*****, that’s
my boy,
ME: hmmmmmm, I hope it works sha
SEGE: mr maga leave story. If you aren’t too
smart for these girls, they would send you
back to the village when they are through with
you.
ME: hmmmmmmm, let’s continue our winning
eleven and let me beat you one more time.
SEGE: oloshi, na only that one you sabi
Episode 15
Segun and I continued with the game, when I
was getting hungry, I picked some noodles in
his cupboard and help myself with the
cooking. The friendship between segun and I
was more like brothers. We are always free at
each others house. Infact, I do see segun’s
house as my second home and vice versa.
I was eating my noodles and segun was
playing game alone on his own when kemi
called again. I looked at the wall clock and
the time was 2pm.
ME: hello
KEMI: hi dear, please call me back
ME: ok
KEMI: ****hanged up****
I dropped the phone from my ear and face
segun.
ME: “Shoooooo!, segun see me see wahala
oooo”
SEGE: wetin happen?
ME: imagine kemi telling me to call back after
receiving 400naira airtime yesterday?
SEGE: sebi na you start am from onset
ME: how? *raised eye brow****
SEGE: me as I dey so, if I send 100naira card
to any girl and if she doesn’t call me with
atleast 50naira worth of airtime before
requesting another one, I will never send
another card.
ME: hmmmmmmmm
SEGE: but if na you, one “yeye” girl go call you
to send card, she no go use atleast half of the
card to call you, and she go request for
another one. And you would send it again. So
what do you expect?
ME: you are right sha.
SEGE: call her na. Let’s hear what she has to
say.
ME: ok
I dialled kemi’s number from my phone.
ME: hello kemisola
KEMI: hi love, where are you?
ME: I’m still with my boss on the project site
KEMI: when will you be through?
ME: I can’t say for now, but soon sha
KEMI: ooooh God, time is going now
ME: don’t worry, if we can’t be chanced to go
out today, what about tomorrow?
KEMI: that’s impossible, me and my family are
returning very early tomorrow morning
ME: haaaaa, ok, I pray we leave here quickly
today
KEMI: and what happens if you don’t leave on
time?
ME: I don’t know oooo,
KEMI: ok, let’s do it this way
ME: how?
KEMI: with the situation of things, I don’t
think I would be able to sneak out again today
after this moment
ME: huuuuuuh
KEMI: so please can you send the money to
my account on monday morning so that I can
shop for few things to take to school when I
get back to lagos.
ME: ********chai, “mogbe”, see finishing
format*****. Hmmmmmm, ok dear
KEMI: is that a promise dear, should I be
expecting it?
ME: yeah, I will try
KEMI: I love you so much dear. And please,
help me to keep bro segun’s gift, I will collect
it on my next visit to akure during semester
break
ME: really?, are you coming for another
occasion?
KEMI: no ooo, I’m coming specially to visit
you, I will spend like 4days with you before I
return back to lagos
ME: waooooh, I can’t wait for that moment.
When will that be?
KEMI: let’s say 2 months from now. I can’t
wait to be in your arms too my baby
ME: ok dear
KEMI: please don’t forget ooo, you know you
promised me you will send it on monday.
ME: I know dear.
KEMI: ok love. Take care
ME: and you too. Bye ***hanged up
I dropped the call with my mouth wide opened
as segun was also looking at me and shaking
his head at the same time.
SEGE: oh boy, this your kemi too smart
ME: “baje baje”
SEGE: her own smartness sef don pass that of
bimpe
ME: seems so. So what do I do next?
SEGE: sebi na two sims you get?
ME: yes na
SEGE: she know the second number?
ME: no oooo.
SEGE: switch off this line for the next 3weeks
or one month. Cased closed.
ME: really?, sebi you be event planner na,
abeg plan another way out jaree
SEGE: abegi mr maga. This girl’s smartness
don dey compete with my own. Just do as I
say for now while planning for another
alternative.
I went back home, I changed my sim as segun
directed and kemi’s chapter was closed till
further notice.
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