Having sex with a new partner for the first time can be very stressful despite even having had discussions around the subject matter. It is highly advisable that you keep your nerves and try to calm and relaxed. The first encounter is usually to get the other person’s rhythm.
For example, after buying a brand new Ford Mustang or Chevrolet Camaro, you surely won’t accelerate to 100Km/hr immediately you get into the car unless you’re a raging lunatic. You would like to first test the acceleration rate as well as braking speed. In other words, you will want to acclimatize yourself with the car before you start practicing for your audition as a stunt driver for the next Fast and Furious installment, I’m sorry I’m being very specific but you get the point, don’t you?
The best advise you’re gonna get about first time sex with someone new might be to take your time to understand their body, for the partner should be top of your priorities. Your goal for the first time sex is to make sure its good enough that she wants a repeat. Like when you eat at a restaurant for the first time and it felt really good, so you keep going there, something like that.
Tanya Tate, an award winning adult performer and director says that even the professionals don’t try to go for all the bells and whistles the first time out of the gate.
“Do porn stars show off on the first time they hook up for sex with someone? Personally I prefer more intimate positions, even though if someone has watched my movies they know I am capable of doing a whole load of wild things,” Tate says. “When it’s the first time, they don’t get the whole show.
I make them work for it; it gives them something to want to come back for. I want to feel the chemistry and let sex take its natural course as opposed to ‘acting’ like a porn star in the bedroom,” Tate says.
“We tend to be in our heads, creating stories about ourselves and our partner. Judging and criticizing is not sexy. When we over analyse each other and ourselves, we lose excitement and pleasure. We can enjoy every moment if we just tune into our bodies, let go and have fun,” says Tatiana Dellepiane, a sex and relationship coach and creator of the Sensual Awakening Movement. When engaging in foreplay or sex, let go of the expectation of coming or making her come, says Dellepiane.
“When you let go of agenda, you can relax into the experience and feel more pleasure. It also helps her to feel safe and to know that you are not giving in order to get,” Dellepiane says.
Breathing together is important
“When we are in sync with our breath it brings us into a trance state. Both partners will become connected to their bodies and their breath, and that brings serotonin (happy drug) levels up,” says Dellepiane. Who doesn’t want that?
Staring into the eyes & tender touching
“Looking into each other’s eyes can create increased intimacy and connection and can be playful and sexy,” says Dellepiane. Plus, for more intimacy, try caressing. A feather-light touch actually elicits than something more grabby. “The more often we do it, the more you feel. Touching in this way raises the anticipation of sex, which increases dopamine levels in the body,” says Dellepiane.
Firm but gentle start
You shouldn’t be too aggressive or presumptuous the first time you have sex with someone new. “You may want to avoid anal – unless she’s directing you that way. Aside from missionary, a good position to try is her on top. This way she can feel like she’s in control and you can reinforce how sexy she looks and feels from that vantage point,” says dating and relationship expert, Andrea Syrtash, author of the new Audible book, ‘He’s Just Not Your Type (And That’s a Good Thing)’.
Some sex positions (like, say, anal) are something to work up to, others ensure a fun time right off the bat – here’s some great ones that will get your groove off to a strong start.
1. Woman on Top
“She has more control of the experience, which is helpful in a culture that tends to put much of the pressure to perform on men,” says Dellepiane. This is especially helpful if it’s your first time and you don’t know much about what they like. “She has the opportunity to take charge and show him how fast, slow, hard or soft she tends to like it. This is very important information when you are just getting to know a new partner,” says Dellepiane.
It’s a safe and loving position that helps build trust. “It doesn’t have to be boring. Placing a pillow underneath her butt can increase pleasure by changing the angle. Using your hands to touch different parts of her body can make the sex less genitally focused (like it is in porn.) This can help men to last longer and have more of a total body experience,” Dellepiane says.
“You can raise one of her legs or knees so that you’re entering at a better angle. Think of your body lying on a five-degree rotation from hers,” says Billy Procida, host of The Manwhore Podcast. This will also allow more space for a deeper thrust. “Remember, you don’t need to be long to get deep!” says Procida.
“Take a knee! Act like football practice and be on one knee instead of two. You’ll have a better range of motion and better ability thrust deeper. This tweak is also more comfortable than kneeling on two knees with your legs squeezed together,” says Procida. “Give her ass a squeeze. If she moans, give it a (moderate!) slap for good measure,” Procida says.
4. Calves Around Neck
This position allows deep penetration, access to her G-spot, and eye contact, says James. “If you want to be a little more adventurous but not come off to strong, have her rests her calves on your shoulders, and if she’s extra flexible the position can be even more fun. You can deeply penetrate in this position so thrust in slowly at first to measure her pain. It’s a great way to also reach her G-spot, as well as still maintain eye contact,” says James.