“Oh” Was all I could manage
“So she told you about them” She turned to me then with one raised eyebrow
“About who?” She said to which I frowned. I get her being mad at me for not telling her about Adanna and I expected her to be over it once I started talking but she can’t still be this icy if she didn’t know about the twins who I thought weren’t mine but now they are. Oh God!
Usually when a woman got mad at me – and they almost always did – I felt almost relieved.
Finally, an escape. I can get out of here. She wants to be left alone to stew in the quagmire of my misdemeanors. I can go home and drink a scotch and watch the business news in my chair till I fall asleep, alone. Without anyone criticizing or bitching or inflicting their pettiness onto me.
Now all I wanted to do was kiss her and hold her and tell her how much I loved her and how deeply sorry I was for putting her through the tiniest bit of pain and how sorry I was in advance for the next bit of information she would soon receive.
So that’s exactly what I did. I rolled onto my side, cupping her jaw with my hand, turning her face to me.
“The long story short is I dated Adanna for almost three years. I thought I loved her but I didn’t, I tried to and I am sure she guessed it. she told me she loved me so much and cried whenever I didn’t say it. I felt so bad because I didn’t think I was capable of that kind of love but I said it to her, twice. I lied. I don’t feel good about it, about three months into our relationship she got pregnant and I was furious.
She knew I didn’t want kids and we had been very careful which led me to believe that she had cheated but I didn’t leave. then those babies were born and it’s like they were the love I was looking for all my life. I fell for them instantly and aside from you, they are my life.
I was led to believe for some time that they weren’t mine but they are Becca and now she has them. She fucking has my kids!” I breathed, now I was the emotional one.
“I never believed I could love, like it wasn’t in me to give till they were born, I could only feel for them and not for her and she did her best to keep them away from me because she knew the only reason I agreed to see her was because of them. Then you walked in to my office and then once again changed my life.
I think I loved you that very first minute, you know that? Right there as you stood awkwardly at the door. Your eyes were so brown and sort of … shocked. Like you couldn’t believe it. like you couldn’t believe me. And then you came in and sat down and I just have never seen anything so beautiful. All I wanted to do was touch you, kiss you. I wanted to get close to you, closer than I had been to anyone.
Even though I didn’t know anything about you but your name – which you insisted I should call instead of Becca that I had chosen – I knew if I didn’t get to kiss your lips I would go insane, absolutely fucking insane. Right then and there, I had to do it and I knew you wanted me to. the way you leaned into me. And when I started I couldn’t stop, I wanted you so much and I could see it there in your eyes that you wanted me just as much.
I’d never had sex within an hour of meeting someone and never without a condom, I don’t think I cared deep down if I even got you pregnant. At that time, I thought I had lost the two little joys life had given me and so I just wasn’t thinking. Once again, damning the consequences. I just wanted you, only you and I have since the very first fucking day I laid eyes on you. Nobody else”
I finished taking a deep breath after I had blurted all that out.
Becca had tears in her eyes and then one spilled and made a glossy line down her cheek.
“I let Adanna go not just because I thought she had hurt me in the most inconceivable way, but because I had found what I was looking for” I said
“And I am sorry if she was mean or spiteful to you, I should have been there. I am really sorry o Nne?” I was prepared to keep going as long as it took to convince her but she was climbing on to me finally.
She took my face in her hands looking deep into my eyes, then she slowly lowered her head and slowly and sweetly kissed my lips.