1 00:00:15,974 --> 00:00:18,568 Okay. Let's see where we are. 2 00:00:19,102 --> 00:00:22,823 We could move this, get rid of that, kill that. 3 00:00:23,065 --> 00:00:27,491 That kind of freaks me out. Don't need her. We can get rid of that. 4 00:00:27,945 --> 00:00:29,993 That's done. Okay, we could start with this. 5 00:00:30,155 --> 00:00:33,204 I know it's a hard-hitting piece, but come on, you guys, it's the Internet. 6 00:00:33,283 --> 00:00:35,581 We need traffic, traffic, traffic. What do you got? 7 00:00:35,744 --> 00:00:38,293 - How about this? - It's perfect. 8 00:00:38,413 --> 00:00:40,791 Now, doesn't she look smart and knowledgeable about immigration reform? 9 00:00:40,958 --> 00:00:42,801 - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah. She does, right? 10 00:00:42,918 --> 00:00:45,216 I'm fucking with you people. This isn't a porn site. 11 00:00:45,295 --> 00:00:46,968 What are we, nerds trying to look at boobies? 12 00:00:47,589 --> 00:00:48,841 Come on, Keep looking. 13 00:00:49,591 --> 00:00:51,343 Shit! Hello? 14 00:00:51,426 --> 00:00:53,929 Hey! Baby, where are you? Are you still at work? 15 00:00:54,096 --> 00:00:55,348 No! Not even close. 16 00:00:55,430 --> 00:00:56,932 Just so you know, the movie starts in 10 minutes. 17 00:00:57,015 --> 00:00:58,813 - I know! Give me your pants. - What? 18 00:00:58,934 --> 00:01:00,527 - I'll buy you lunch tomorrow. Come on. - No. 19 00:01:00,686 --> 00:01:02,484 I'm your boss. Give me your pants. 20 00:01:02,688 --> 00:01:05,032 Please try not to be late. I really hate missing the beginning. 21 00:01:05,107 --> 00:01:06,279 I know. I know. 22 00:01:08,277 --> 00:01:09,779 Give me your pants. I'm coming, baby. 23 00:01:10,779 --> 00:01:11,780 I'm almost there! 24 00:01:12,114 --> 00:01:14,287 - How far away? - I think I see you! 25 00:01:15,784 --> 00:01:18,003 - Where are you? I'm here. - So am I. 26 00:01:18,328 --> 00:01:19,921 So many people. What are you wearing? 27 00:01:19,997 --> 00:01:22,466 I'm wearing the only clothes outside the theater, 28 00:01:22,541 --> 00:01:25,294 because I'm the only person outside the theater! 29 00:01:25,460 --> 00:01:27,508 I love that outfit. You look so sexy in that. 30 00:01:27,629 --> 00:01:29,131 You know that I love this movie. 31 00:01:29,214 --> 00:01:32,969 If a prostitute and a ruthless businessman can fall in love, 32 00:01:33,844 --> 00:01:34,891 then anyone can. 33 00:01:34,970 --> 00:01:37,143 I know this means a lot to you, which means it means a lot to me. 34 00:01:37,222 --> 00:01:38,644 Well, apparently it doesn't. 35 00:01:38,724 --> 00:01:40,067 I'm looking at you right now. I can see you! 36 00:01:40,309 --> 00:01:41,481 Jamie! 37 00:01:42,185 --> 00:01:43,232 Hey! 38 00:01:44,479 --> 00:01:45,526 - Hey. - You made it. 39 00:01:45,647 --> 00:01:47,399 - Yeah. Hey. - Hi. 40 00:01:47,482 --> 00:01:49,985 - Sorry I'm late. - It's okay. I got us sandwiches. 41 00:01:50,068 --> 00:01:52,412 I got you turkey, no cheese, gluten-free bread. 42 00:01:52,571 --> 00:01:54,494 You sure this was prepared in a nut-free facility? 43 00:01:55,032 --> 00:01:56,830 Yes, I'm full aware of our allergies. Y. 44 00:01:56,992 --> 00:02:00,838 Hey, I'm here! I'm here. I'm really sorry. 45 00:02:01,038 --> 00:02:02,665 We missed Your Body Is a Wonderland. 46 00:02:02,748 --> 00:02:04,716 Okay. Only one song. That's not so bad, right? 47 00:02:04,833 --> 00:02:06,210 It was fucking Your Body ls a Wonderland! 48 00:02:06,335 --> 00:02:10,181 Well, the good news is, he has so many good ones. 49 00:02:10,380 --> 00:02:13,975 Here's an idea: next time, instead of being late, just shit on my face. 50 00:02:14,051 --> 00:02:16,725 'Cause that's kind of the same thing as missing Your Body ls a Wonderland. 51 00:02:16,845 --> 00:02:17,971 Okay, come on. We really gotta go in. 52 00:02:18,055 --> 00:02:20,274 Julia Roberts is about to put on her really tall boots. 53 00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:23,397 We need to talk. 54 00:02:27,606 --> 00:02:28,698 I think we should take a break. 55 00:02:28,774 --> 00:02:31,118 I just feel like we should chill for a while, you know? 56 00:02:31,193 --> 00:02:32,991 - You're doing this? - You're breaking up with me? 57 00:02:33,070 --> 00:02:34,413 You said I was your soul mate. 58 00:02:34,571 --> 00:02:35,743 I did? When? 59 00:02:35,864 --> 00:02:38,333 When we were at that bed and breakfast having sex. 60 00:02:38,408 --> 00:02:39,910 - But, you know, that doesn't... - That doesn't what? 61 00:02:40,202 --> 00:02:43,206 - Count. - I was tied up at work. I'm sorry. 62 00:02:43,372 --> 00:02:45,625 Maybe you should care a little bit less about work 63 00:02:45,707 --> 00:02:47,926 and a little more about the girl that you're dating. 64 00:02:48,085 --> 00:02:51,430 'Cause last time I checked, work doesn't reassure you 65 00:02:51,546 --> 00:02:54,015 that liking a finger up your ass doesn't make you gay. 66 00:02:54,091 --> 00:02:56,935 I never said "go up." Okay? 67 00:02:57,052 --> 00:03:00,431 I just said lightly around... It's like a little button. 68 00:03:00,555 --> 00:03:02,432 You know what? Not your issue any more. 69 00:03:02,557 --> 00:03:03,683 Is this why you were late? 70 00:03:03,767 --> 00:03:05,269 You were worried about how to break up with me? 71 00:03:05,394 --> 00:03:07,738 Oh, no, no. I was trying to decide what to wear. 72 00:03:07,896 --> 00:03:10,069 - So, you went with sneakers and a hoodie. - Yeah. 73 00:03:10,232 --> 00:03:11,905 What, are you gonna take the SATs after this? 74 00:03:12,067 --> 00:03:13,819 Don't lash out, okay? 75 00:03:13,902 --> 00:03:15,620 - You're better than that. - I'm really not. 76 00:03:15,737 --> 00:03:17,410 I just think we're heading in different directions. 77 00:03:17,489 --> 00:03:19,912 Yeah, you to the John Mayer concert and me not. 78 00:03:20,075 --> 00:03:22,419 Thank you for doing this before the concert, by the way. 79 00:03:22,744 --> 00:03:24,496 Best breakup ever. 80 00:03:24,663 --> 00:03:26,757 He is the Sheryl Crow of our generation! 81 00:03:26,915 --> 00:03:28,167 Let me just ask you a quick question. 82 00:03:28,250 --> 00:03:32,255 And just know that I am not at all crushed by this breakup. 83 00:03:32,587 --> 00:03:34,260 So, be honest. Why? 84 00:03:34,339 --> 00:03:35,636 - Wait, is this a trick? - No. 85 00:03:35,757 --> 00:03:37,600 Just pure anthropological research. 86 00:03:37,759 --> 00:03:39,682 Okay. You want someone to sweep you off your feet, 87 00:03:39,761 --> 00:03:42,560 but you're more interested in getting swept off your feet 88 00:03:42,639 --> 00:03:43,856 than the someone who's doing the sweeping. 89 00:03:44,182 --> 00:03:46,150 You seem like you've got it totally together, 90 00:03:46,268 --> 00:03:48,111 but you're actually really emotionally damaged. 91 00:03:48,186 --> 00:03:51,656 Also, you have, like, really big eyes, and that freaks me out sometimes... 92 00:03:51,773 --> 00:03:53,867 Thank you. That's enough. 93 00:03:53,942 --> 00:03:55,410 It is not you at all. 94 00:03:55,485 --> 00:03:58,614 Of course it's me! You can't say that. You're breaking up with me! 95 00:03:58,864 --> 00:04:01,492 It's not. It's me. I don't like you any more. 96 00:04:01,616 --> 00:04:03,994 This is my fault. You deserve better than me. 97 00:04:04,119 --> 00:04:05,336 You're a great guy. 98 00:04:05,454 --> 00:04:08,754 A little too emotionally unavailable, if you ask me. 99 00:04:08,832 --> 00:04:09,879 I didn't. 100 00:04:09,958 --> 00:04:11,210 I really want to stay friends. 101 00:04:11,293 --> 00:04:12,795 - Let's stay friends. - Sure. 102 00:04:13,003 --> 00:04:14,050 Totally. 103 00:04:16,131 --> 00:04:17,178 John Mayer. 104 00:04:18,008 --> 00:04:19,510 John fucking Mayer! 105 00:04:20,385 --> 00:04:21,477 Come here, you. 106 00:04:22,304 --> 00:04:24,147 You're gonna get through this. 107 00:04:26,475 --> 00:04:31,322 Why do relationships always start off so fun and then turn into suck-a-bag-o-dicks? 108 00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:35,651 I really have to stop buying into this bullshit Hollywood cliché of true love. 109 00:04:36,693 --> 00:04:39,537 Shut up, Katherine Heigl! You stupid liar! 110 00:04:39,654 --> 00:04:42,828 I'm just gonna work and fuck. Like George Clooney. 111 00:04:42,991 --> 00:04:45,665 I'm just gonna shut myself down emotionally. 112 00:04:47,329 --> 00:04:49,002 Like George Clooney. 113 00:04:58,507 --> 00:04:59,554 Hello. 114 00:05:00,008 --> 00:05:01,180 Seat up, please, sir. 115 00:05:02,010 --> 00:05:03,011 Is that the Hudson River? 116 00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:05,893 No. It's the East River. 117 00:05:06,181 --> 00:05:10,027 So we won't be landing on it, then, like that flight, 118 00:05:10,393 --> 00:05:13,272 you know, with that captain they keep giving medals to? 119 00:05:14,523 --> 00:05:15,945 That pilot was a hero. 120 00:05:18,443 --> 00:05:19,535 Asshole. 121 00:05:21,112 --> 00:05:22,864 Plane actually did a lot of the work. 122 00:05:24,032 --> 00:05:26,876 I think I found the perfect guy to fill that job at GQ. 123 00:05:27,285 --> 00:05:29,208 No, he's landing early. I'm scrambling. 124 00:05:29,579 --> 00:05:32,458 No, he's not sold on the job yet, but I'll get him there. I always do. 125 00:05:32,707 --> 00:05:34,801 I'm even picking him up in a hybrid. 126 00:05:35,210 --> 00:05:37,588 He's from LA. I figured he's into all that bullshit. 127 00:05:38,046 --> 00:05:39,969 Hey, sir, what's that tall building over there? 128 00:05:40,799 --> 00:05:41,891 Empire State Building. 129 00:05:41,967 --> 00:05:43,435 No, no, no, no. No. The other one. 130 00:05:43,552 --> 00:05:47,352 The really, really tall one with the antenna on top of it, the windows. 131 00:05:47,430 --> 00:05:48,932 That is Empire State Building. 132 00:05:49,808 --> 00:05:51,606 Oh, yeah. You're right. King Kong. 133 00:05:51,726 --> 00:05:52,773 Hey... 134 00:05:57,274 --> 00:06:00,073 Oh, hey! Are you done with this? All met up? 135 00:06:00,151 --> 00:06:02,745 Great. Welcome to New York, Ms. Penderghast. 136 00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:04,285 Yeah. 137 00:06:14,749 --> 00:06:18,128 Oh, no. Excuse me. Sorry. 138 00:06:18,336 --> 00:06:19,428 Okay. 139 00:06:23,675 --> 00:06:25,803 - Can you hand me my bag? - Sure. Which one? 140 00:06:25,927 --> 00:06:27,019 - The one with the straps. - Okay. 141 00:06:27,095 --> 00:06:28,187 There. 142 00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:29,932 Okay. 143 00:06:30,932 --> 00:06:33,105 - Thank you. - Welcome to New York, sir. 144 00:06:36,521 --> 00:06:38,489 - Excuse me. - Yeah. 145 00:06:39,316 --> 00:06:41,284 That's me. Which one, the blue or the yellow? 146 00:06:41,651 --> 00:06:44,450 No. The makeshift sign made out of lipstick, that's me. 147 00:06:45,280 --> 00:06:46,998 - You're Dylan Harper. - I am. 148 00:06:47,282 --> 00:06:48,374 I'm Jamie Rellis. 149 00:06:48,533 --> 00:06:51,207 - You're picking me up from the airport. - Hi. Yes, I am. 150 00:06:52,370 --> 00:06:53,587 You always pick people up like this? 151 00:06:53,663 --> 00:06:55,540 Yeah, you know, I like to keep things interesting. 152 00:06:55,832 --> 00:06:57,175 - Welcome to New York. - Thank you. 153 00:06:58,209 --> 00:07:00,883 You're not exactly what comes to mind when you think headhunter. 154 00:07:00,962 --> 00:07:04,182 Yeah, I prefer "executive recruiter." Headhunter sounds a little creepy. 155 00:07:04,299 --> 00:07:06,802 You did stalk me for six months. Kind of creepy. 156 00:07:07,469 --> 00:07:08,561 Here, here, here, I'll take it. 157 00:07:09,304 --> 00:07:11,523 You're really gonna carry my bag? You're that girl? 158 00:07:11,723 --> 00:07:14,727 No. I'm gonna change your life. I'm that girl. 159 00:07:15,810 --> 00:07:17,062 My life is already pretty great. 160 00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:20,490 Oh, really? 'Cause you wouldn't be here if your life were already pretty great. 161 00:07:20,982 --> 00:07:23,326 A free trip to New York. I'd be an idiot to turn that down. 162 00:07:23,401 --> 00:07:26,325 Well, then I guess you must have been an idiot for the past six months. 163 00:07:27,405 --> 00:07:29,533 Yeah, a lot of people would say longer than that. 164 00:07:29,741 --> 00:07:31,539 It's a huge opportunity Dylan. 165 00:07:31,660 --> 00:07:34,584 Art director of GQ magazine. This is the big leagues. 166 00:07:35,038 --> 00:07:36,836 I mean, no offense to your little blog on the Internet. 167 00:07:36,998 --> 00:07:38,921 Which got six million hits last month. 168 00:07:39,042 --> 00:07:41,921 I could put up a video of me mixing cake batter with my boobs 169 00:07:42,170 --> 00:07:43,547 and it will get eight million hits. 170 00:07:43,672 --> 00:07:46,676 It's been done. Dunkin-My-Tits-Hynes.com. 171 00:07:47,175 --> 00:07:48,176 Really? 172 00:07:48,843 --> 00:07:51,642 Well, look, there's no question that you are talented at what you do, 173 00:07:51,721 --> 00:07:53,519 but this is GQ. 174 00:07:53,848 --> 00:07:55,441 New York's so crowded. 175 00:07:56,393 --> 00:07:58,566 Look around. I'm from LA, okay? 176 00:07:58,687 --> 00:08:01,782 - I like my open spaces. - What are you, a gazelle? 177 00:08:02,232 --> 00:08:04,075 Come on, what's really worrying you about this? 178 00:08:06,277 --> 00:08:10,202 I don't know. I don't want to be the guy who took something legendary 179 00:08:10,281 --> 00:08:13,034 and shit the bed with it. Excuse the expression. 180 00:08:13,368 --> 00:08:16,087 Well, then don't be the guy who shit the bed. Excuse the expression. 181 00:08:16,705 --> 00:08:19,254 Be the guy who made the bed legendary again. 182 00:08:20,542 --> 00:08:23,591 Listen, we'll get some coffee in you before the interview. You'll be fine. 183 00:08:23,878 --> 00:08:28,805 I'm sorry, not coffee. Some green tea, soy, organic hemp bullshit. 184 00:08:29,801 --> 00:08:30,927 Really hot in New York. 185 00:08:31,261 --> 00:08:32,558 Doesn't it get hot in LA? 186 00:08:32,637 --> 00:08:34,514 Yeah, it gets hot in LA, but it's the humidity. 187 00:08:34,597 --> 00:08:37,396 In LA, if it's 90 degrees, it feels like 90 degrees. But... 188 00:08:37,559 --> 00:08:38,936 - Right. - If it's hot in New York, 189 00:08:39,102 --> 00:08:40,900 it's 90 degrees, it's like 100,000 degrees. 190 00:08:40,979 --> 00:08:43,152 This conversation about weather is really fascinating, 191 00:08:43,231 --> 00:08:44,983 but lucky for me, we are here. 192 00:08:46,443 --> 00:08:47,490 So, good luck. 193 00:08:48,319 --> 00:08:52,119 Whatever happens, happens. I told you, I don't really want it. 194 00:08:52,407 --> 00:08:55,411 Just do me a favor? Act like you do so that I look good. 195 00:08:55,493 --> 00:08:57,791 - I can do that. - Okay. Go get 'em. 196 00:08:57,912 --> 00:08:59,255 This is great, by the way. 197 00:09:09,007 --> 00:09:10,350 Watch it! 198 00:09:20,935 --> 00:09:22,937 - Hey! - You're still here? 199 00:09:23,271 --> 00:09:25,490 Yeah. Well, it's my job. 200 00:09:25,607 --> 00:09:26,654 Nice. 201 00:09:26,775 --> 00:09:29,278 So, tell me, how'd it go? 202 00:09:30,111 --> 00:09:32,239 They bought it. You're safe for a little while longer. 203 00:09:32,322 --> 00:09:34,620 Well, thank you. I owe you one. 204 00:09:38,953 --> 00:09:40,000 This is from you. 205 00:09:40,455 --> 00:09:41,502 It's your offer. 206 00:09:41,623 --> 00:09:44,126 - Wait, I got it? - They called about five minutes ago. 207 00:09:45,293 --> 00:09:48,297 Congratulations. Offer expires at midnight. 208 00:09:49,464 --> 00:09:51,137 Why didn't you just tell me instead of texting me? 209 00:09:51,299 --> 00:09:52,642 'Cause it's more dramatic. 210 00:09:55,303 --> 00:09:56,976 Dylan, you are not gonna shit the bed. 211 00:09:57,555 --> 00:09:59,478 I've seen your work. It's amazing. 212 00:10:00,141 --> 00:10:01,358 It's a huge move. 213 00:10:01,518 --> 00:10:03,646 Would you uproot your entire life for a job? Be honest. 214 00:10:03,812 --> 00:10:05,985 Well, no. For a job, probably not. 215 00:10:06,231 --> 00:10:09,986 But for New York? Yeah, I would. 216 00:10:10,151 --> 00:10:12,370 Which is why I'm not gonna try to sell you on the job, 217 00:10:12,487 --> 00:10:13,739 I'm gonna sell you on New York. 218 00:10:13,988 --> 00:10:15,160 It's New York! 219 00:10:15,490 --> 00:10:16,537 I've seen Seinfeld. 220 00:10:16,699 --> 00:10:18,747 Not the bullshit tourist version. 221 00:10:21,329 --> 00:10:22,956 Puppy dog eyes. Nice touch. 222 00:10:23,039 --> 00:10:24,507 Yes! Come on. 223 00:10:24,666 --> 00:10:26,009 Let me buy you a drink. 224 00:10:29,504 --> 00:10:30,551 What's wrong? 225 00:10:31,047 --> 00:10:32,594 What are you waiting for? 226 00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:33,807 The light to change. 227 00:10:33,883 --> 00:10:35,510 You LA folk are so cute. 228 00:10:35,844 --> 00:10:36,936 Come on. 229 00:10:37,095 --> 00:10:38,142 Come on, it's fine. 230 00:10:38,221 --> 00:10:39,268 - See? - Yep. 231 00:10:39,347 --> 00:10:40,439 I'm gonna die. 232 00:10:40,515 --> 00:10:44,520 Here we have Brooklyn Bridge, downtown Manhattan, 233 00:10:45,019 --> 00:10:47,863 and right in front of us, an outdoor bar. 234 00:10:49,357 --> 00:10:51,576 Alcohol. Now we're talking. 235 00:10:54,863 --> 00:10:56,206 You know, I like you. 236 00:10:56,739 --> 00:10:58,082 I'll give you your choice of closes. 237 00:10:59,242 --> 00:11:01,461 - What? - How I close you on this job. 238 00:11:01,536 --> 00:11:04,085 - Okay. - So we got the flattery close. 239 00:11:04,372 --> 00:11:07,797 Dylan, you are so good at what you do. 240 00:11:07,876 --> 00:11:09,219 The take-it-or-leave-it close. 241 00:11:09,711 --> 00:11:12,214 Man, I don't care if you take it. I get paid regardless. 242 00:11:12,463 --> 00:11:13,806 The sympathy close. 243 00:11:14,132 --> 00:11:15,349 You see, my kidneys are failing... 244 00:11:15,425 --> 00:11:17,974 Why do women think the only way to get a man to do what they want 245 00:11:18,052 --> 00:11:19,224 is to manipulate him? 246 00:11:19,387 --> 00:11:23,233 History. Personal experience. Romantic comedies. 247 00:11:24,058 --> 00:11:26,561 Come on, you're here for a reason, whether you want to admit it or not. 248 00:11:26,728 --> 00:11:29,823 Yeah, to explore an option. Who wouldn't want to know their options? 249 00:11:29,981 --> 00:11:31,403 Someone who's in the perfect situation. 250 00:11:31,608 --> 00:11:32,734 Are you in the perfect situation? 251 00:11:32,817 --> 00:11:34,911 Job? Absolutely. 252 00:11:35,069 --> 00:11:37,242 Everything else? None of your business. 253 00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:42,543 Shaun! 254 00:11:42,911 --> 00:11:43,912 - Jamie! - Hey! 255 00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:45,664 - Hey, what's up, baby? - What are you doing here? 256 00:11:45,747 --> 00:11:46,839 - Shaun White? - You look great. 257 00:11:46,915 --> 00:11:49,088 - You been working out? - Nope. Just been eating a lot. 258 00:11:49,250 --> 00:11:50,467 - Okay. - Yeah. 259 00:11:50,585 --> 00:11:51,677 - You want a drink? - Yeah! 260 00:11:51,753 --> 00:11:52,925 - Let me get you a drink. Yeah? - Okay. 261 00:11:53,087 --> 00:11:55,431 - Careful! Careful. - Sorry. 262 00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:58,472 Hey, bro, that was like a double McTwist 1260. 263 00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:02,476 - Yeah, like the trick. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dylan. 264 00:12:02,597 --> 00:12:04,144 Jamie, you want to get this guy out of my face 265 00:12:04,265 --> 00:12:05,608 before I break his fucking skull? 266 00:12:06,935 --> 00:12:08,812 Sorry, bro. No disrespect. I'm a huge fan. 267 00:12:08,937 --> 00:12:12,316 You don't fucking know me, man! Don't talk to me like you know me! 268 00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:15,114 What, you think I'm all chill 'cause I snowboard and shit? 269 00:12:15,276 --> 00:12:17,779 One more word, I'll fuck you up like dynamite! 270 00:12:18,613 --> 00:12:19,660 Dynamite? 271 00:12:19,948 --> 00:12:21,621 I'm just playing, bro. 272 00:12:22,784 --> 00:12:24,627 Any friend of Jamie's is cool with me. 273 00:12:24,786 --> 00:12:27,130 - It's all good, man. - All good. 274 00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:29,796 I'm whispering in the ear of a dead man. 275 00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:31,592 I'll see you later. 276 00:12:31,668 --> 00:12:32,760 - Good to see you. - Bye, honey. 277 00:12:34,128 --> 00:12:37,849 Shaun White seems really great. Nice dude. 278 00:12:38,633 --> 00:12:40,806 - How do you know him again? - I took his virginity. 279 00:12:41,844 --> 00:12:43,391 So you guys have known each other for a while? 280 00:12:43,471 --> 00:12:44,973 No, it was like eight months ago. 281 00:12:45,807 --> 00:12:46,854 Wow. 282 00:12:47,642 --> 00:12:49,189 So does the carpet match the drapes? 283 00:12:49,644 --> 00:12:52,022 It's hardwood floors, if you know what I mean. 284 00:12:52,146 --> 00:12:54,274 My God! Terrible visual. 285 00:12:54,357 --> 00:12:56,985 Totally kidding, by the way. Just an old friend of mine. 286 00:12:58,361 --> 00:13:00,159 You guys use the same leave-in conditioner. 287 00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:02,456 His hair had nice body. 288 00:13:02,532 --> 00:13:04,455 Can I get two gyro number sixes, extra sauce? 289 00:13:06,661 --> 00:13:08,038 - What are you looking for? - The cops. 290 00:13:08,329 --> 00:13:09,706 - Come on. - The cops? 291 00:13:09,831 --> 00:13:11,003 Yep... 292 00:13:11,499 --> 00:13:13,001 Come on! 293 00:13:16,045 --> 00:13:17,843 - Where are you taking me? - You'll see. 294 00:13:31,853 --> 00:13:33,821 Well, here's your open space. 295 00:13:33,896 --> 00:13:36,365 Run, gazelle. Run! 296 00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:43,198 - Wow. This is unbelievable. - I know. 297 00:13:46,701 --> 00:13:48,703 Okay, this was not on Seinfeld. 298 00:13:49,412 --> 00:13:51,881 Come on, what's your dad think about all this? 299 00:13:54,042 --> 00:13:55,419 About what? 300 00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:56,669 Well, he must have an opinion. 301 00:13:56,753 --> 00:13:58,847 He used to write for the LA Times for 23 years. 302 00:14:00,089 --> 00:14:01,341 Somebody did their homework. 303 00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:05,679 I have this thing at work. It's called Google. 304 00:14:06,012 --> 00:14:07,935 Come on, what's he think about the job? 305 00:14:09,098 --> 00:14:10,190 Actually, I didn't ask him. 306 00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:12,230 Well, then you must know what he'd say. 307 00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:21,362 He'd tell me to go with my gut and that he'd be proud of me no matter what I did. 308 00:14:23,571 --> 00:14:24,914 Sounds like a really great man. 309 00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:28,080 Yeah, he is. 310 00:14:28,534 --> 00:14:30,878 Hey, do you want to see something really cool? 311 00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:33,464 I always want to see something really cool. What... 312 00:14:33,915 --> 00:14:34,962 Come on. 313 00:14:36,292 --> 00:14:37,589 Okay. 314 00:14:39,587 --> 00:14:42,261 Only place in the city you can actually see the stars. 315 00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:44,433 - Wow. - Yeah. 316 00:14:44,926 --> 00:14:46,769 - It's pretty awesome. - I know. 317 00:14:47,804 --> 00:14:49,147 I like to come up here to think. 318 00:14:49,263 --> 00:14:52,107 Just when it gets a little too much for me down there, it's like... 319 00:14:52,767 --> 00:14:54,485 It's like my New York version of a mountaintop. 320 00:14:55,311 --> 00:14:58,155 Best part, no cell reception. 321 00:15:01,317 --> 00:15:02,819 You take all your recruits up here? 322 00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:07,282 Actually, never really taken anyone up here. 323 00:15:08,116 --> 00:15:09,459 - Really? - Yeah. 324 00:15:09,784 --> 00:15:11,081 Thanks. 325 00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:13,413 If you tell anyone about this, I will rip your ears off 326 00:15:13,496 --> 00:15:15,248 and staple them to your neck. 327 00:15:16,457 --> 00:15:19,176 Everyone in this city seems really violent. 328 00:15:21,003 --> 00:15:22,801 Come on, let's go. One last stop. 329 00:15:23,131 --> 00:15:25,509 - We're just getting comfortable. - I know you are. Come on, buddy. 330 00:15:25,633 --> 00:15:27,977 It's New York. Now hustle. Come on. 331 00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:30,730 - Come on, come on. - You're showing me Times Square. 332 00:15:30,805 --> 00:15:33,183 - This is not touristy at all! - Would you shush? Come on. 333 00:15:33,307 --> 00:15:35,605 Do we have to power-walk everywhere we go? 334 00:15:35,685 --> 00:15:36,982 Yes. 335 00:15:37,145 --> 00:15:40,900 So everybody just kind of walks wherever they want, then. 336 00:15:40,982 --> 00:15:43,030 How 'bout right here? 337 00:15:43,359 --> 00:15:44,702 - What do you mean? - We're here. 338 00:15:50,825 --> 00:15:52,168 Oh, my God, it's 1988. 339 00:15:52,326 --> 00:15:54,499 All right, smartass, give it five seconds. 340 00:16:19,353 --> 00:16:21,731 - What is this? - It's a flash mob. 341 00:16:22,190 --> 00:16:24,318 - Like on Oprah! - Exactly. 342 00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:26,031 Should we get out of the way? 343 00:16:26,152 --> 00:16:28,246 No, no. Enjoy it. Take it all in. 344 00:16:31,699 --> 00:16:33,246 - It's pretty damn cool. - Right? 345 00:16:37,205 --> 00:16:38,377 It's kind of rad. 346 00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:41,376 Do these people get paid for this? 347 00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:45,259 No. No. They kind of just do it for fun. 348 00:16:46,380 --> 00:16:48,178 It's nice to feel like you're a part of something. 349 00:16:48,257 --> 00:16:50,225 New York can be a little bit lonely at times. 350 00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:52,012 And you're trying to sell me on it. 351 00:16:52,261 --> 00:16:55,390 Every place can be a bit lonely sometimes. 352 00:17:00,228 --> 00:17:01,730 - Be careful! - Oh, my God. 353 00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:03,572 - Come down. - Okay. 354 00:17:11,906 --> 00:17:13,408 - Shit. Get back down. - Okay. 355 00:17:23,709 --> 00:17:25,882 - I'm in. - What? 356 00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:28,381 - You sold me. - Really? 357 00:17:28,464 --> 00:17:30,137 - I'll take the job. - Oh, my God! 358 00:17:30,258 --> 00:17:34,809 - What, are you surprised? - No! No. Oh, you are gonna crush it! 359 00:17:35,930 --> 00:17:37,603 Amazing. 360 00:17:37,807 --> 00:17:41,277 - You can all go home now! Thank you! - Very funny. 361 00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:42,441 Come on. 362 00:17:42,603 --> 00:17:45,277 Congratulations, sell-out! 363 00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:46,775 Thank you, thank you. 364 00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:49,160 All I'm saying is, it wasn't so much the pilot's skill 365 00:17:49,277 --> 00:17:52,247 that landed that plane on the river as much as the mechanics of the aircraft. 366 00:17:52,321 --> 00:17:54,744 Are you saying that Captain Sully wasn't a hero? 367 00:17:54,824 --> 00:17:56,121 No, no. 368 00:17:56,784 --> 00:17:57,956 There were just other factors. 369 00:17:58,119 --> 00:17:59,962 Are you not an American? 370 00:18:11,632 --> 00:18:14,306 Hey, fuckface, you want to get your shit out of my car or what? 371 00:18:14,635 --> 00:18:15,932 I... Yeah. 372 00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:20,149 Welcome to New York. Go and fuck a dick. 373 00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:45,791 Fuck. 374 00:18:45,875 --> 00:18:49,470 So, all I ask is that you give me a little bit of time to gain your trust. 375 00:18:49,545 --> 00:18:54,176 I know that I'm new at this, but what I lack in experience I make up for in cliches. 376 00:18:54,342 --> 00:18:55,844 So, my door is always open. 377 00:18:57,553 --> 00:19:01,353 But seriously, my door is always open. 378 00:19:04,018 --> 00:19:07,238 My first order of business, lighter doors. 379 00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:10,700 - Okay. Thanks, guys. - Welcome, Dylan. 380 00:19:11,359 --> 00:19:14,238 Hey, man. Tommy Bollinger, sports editor. 381 00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:17,036 Tommy, I've read your articles. Love your writing. 382 00:19:17,198 --> 00:19:18,791 Just trying to keep it realsies. 383 00:19:18,866 --> 00:19:22,086 Listen, I'd love to take you out one night and troll for cock. 384 00:19:22,370 --> 00:19:24,589 - What? - You got some pretty boys out there in LA, 385 00:19:24,705 --> 00:19:28,380 but the quality in this town is ridiculous. 386 00:19:28,709 --> 00:19:30,552 We can tear this shit up. 387 00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:32,217 I'm not gay, Tommy. 388 00:19:32,380 --> 00:19:36,010 Really? I just assumed, art director and, you know... 389 00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:38,428 Hey. No skin, more pipe for me. 390 00:19:38,552 --> 00:19:41,271 By the way, doing a piece on racism in hockey. 391 00:19:41,389 --> 00:19:43,517 Love to get your concepts on the font. 392 00:19:43,724 --> 00:19:47,445 I'm thinking Helvetica but I could be persuaded to Courier New. 393 00:19:47,561 --> 00:19:50,781 But what the fuck do I know? I'm just the sports editor. 394 00:19:52,566 --> 00:19:53,909 - You sure you're not gay? - Yep. 395 00:19:54,235 --> 00:19:55,236 - I'm sure. - Okay. 396 00:19:55,361 --> 00:19:57,034 All right. 397 00:19:59,407 --> 00:20:01,034 - Hey. - Hey. 398 00:20:01,117 --> 00:20:03,711 I'd knock, but you don't have a door. 399 00:20:03,786 --> 00:20:05,163 - I don't. - No. 400 00:20:05,246 --> 00:20:06,418 Hey, check this out. 401 00:20:07,081 --> 00:20:08,924 Dunkin-My- Tits-Hynes. Com. 402 00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:12,261 - Yeah, it really does exist. - I told you, but not that. This. 403 00:20:14,422 --> 00:20:15,423 Awesome. 404 00:20:15,548 --> 00:20:17,266 But it'd be even more awesome if this happened. 405 00:20:18,968 --> 00:20:20,265 Wait for it. 406 00:20:21,137 --> 00:20:22,184 Nice! 407 00:20:22,263 --> 00:20:24,391 I got in touch with a guy who puts flash mobs together. 408 00:20:24,473 --> 00:20:26,817 We're thinking about using them for guerrilla advertising. 409 00:20:27,143 --> 00:20:29,271 Taking something so pure and commercializing it? 410 00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:31,064 Knew I found the right guy. 411 00:20:31,147 --> 00:20:33,275 - Here I am. - Okay. Here's your contract. 412 00:20:33,399 --> 00:20:34,946 Sign it and I will be out of here. 413 00:20:35,901 --> 00:20:36,948 Okay. 414 00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:39,955 A whole year? 415 00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:43,914 Why do I get the feeling this is the first real commitment you've ever made? 416 00:20:43,993 --> 00:20:46,416 It's not. T-Mobile, two years. 417 00:20:46,495 --> 00:20:47,667 And, fuck, do I regret that one. 418 00:20:47,830 --> 00:20:50,299 Do me a favor. Don't quit or get fired before the year's up, 419 00:20:50,416 --> 00:20:51,838 because otherwise I don't get my bonus. 420 00:20:51,959 --> 00:20:53,336 Wait, I can leave whenever I want? 421 00:20:54,170 --> 00:20:56,138 - What's the point of this contract? - Just sign the damn thing. 422 00:20:56,422 --> 00:20:57,469 Okay. 423 00:20:59,967 --> 00:21:02,140 Nice doing business with you, Dylan Harper. 424 00:21:03,679 --> 00:21:06,478 Hey, I was thinking of getting some lunch. Do you know a place? 425 00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:09,818 Are you asking me out? 426 00:21:10,978 --> 00:21:12,446 Whoa, I'm not asking you out. 427 00:21:12,521 --> 00:21:13,693 I'm asking you to show me a restaurant. 428 00:21:13,814 --> 00:21:15,441 I mean, I'm the only friend you have in New York. 429 00:21:15,524 --> 00:21:17,777 - You don't wanna complicate that. - I know. I'm not asking you out. 430 00:21:17,860 --> 00:21:19,862 I mean, sure, we'd have fun, roll around, 431 00:21:19,987 --> 00:21:22,160 - get into some erotic humiliation fantasy. - Erotic? 432 00:21:22,281 --> 00:21:25,626 But it'd all blow up in our faces, end badly, and we'd never speak to each other again. 433 00:21:25,701 --> 00:21:27,328 I'm not fucking asking you out! I swear to God! 434 00:21:27,453 --> 00:21:29,706 Okay. You don't like me like that. 435 00:21:29,997 --> 00:21:31,999 You don't have to be so mean about it. 436 00:21:33,167 --> 00:21:34,965 I'm sorry. I didn't... 437 00:21:36,170 --> 00:21:38,514 God, you're such a girl. Come on, it's my treat. 438 00:21:40,174 --> 00:21:41,676 So was it an easy move? 439 00:21:41,842 --> 00:21:43,685 - It was tough leaving my dad. - Yeah. 440 00:21:43,803 --> 00:21:45,146 My sister gave me some shit. 441 00:21:45,513 --> 00:21:47,390 But timing was right. 442 00:21:49,558 --> 00:21:51,276 Timing was really right. 443 00:21:51,352 --> 00:21:53,571 - Is that your sister? - No. My ex. 444 00:21:53,687 --> 00:21:55,860 She's great. Loves John Mayer. 445 00:21:56,732 --> 00:21:58,200 Wants us to stay friends. 446 00:21:59,985 --> 00:22:03,410 She's also convinced she can cure me of my emotional unavailability. 447 00:22:05,199 --> 00:22:07,042 - You're emotionally unavailable? - Oh, yeah. 448 00:22:07,201 --> 00:22:10,705 Oh, my God. I'm emotionally damaged. I haven't seen you at the meetings. 449 00:22:11,205 --> 00:22:13,173 I'm done with the relationship thing. 450 00:22:13,249 --> 00:22:15,468 Girl, you are preaching to the congregation. 451 00:22:15,543 --> 00:22:16,590 - Choir. - What? 452 00:22:16,752 --> 00:22:19,380 "Preaching to the choir." You're supposed to preach to the congregation. 453 00:22:19,505 --> 00:22:21,428 - That's the expression. - Did you understand what I was saying? 454 00:22:21,549 --> 00:22:22,596 Then don't be a dick about it. 455 00:22:24,718 --> 00:22:26,436 Oh, my God. Do you mind? 456 00:22:27,054 --> 00:22:28,351 - Please. - Great. 457 00:22:28,556 --> 00:22:31,105 Hello. You've reached Dylan Harper's cell phone. 458 00:22:31,225 --> 00:22:32,977 He's emotionally unavailable, but if you'd like... 459 00:22:33,060 --> 00:22:35,062 - John fucking Mayer! - Hello? 460 00:22:37,523 --> 00:22:40,527 Wow. Hello? You really do have shitty cell service. 461 00:22:40,609 --> 00:22:41,735 - Right? - Yeah. 462 00:22:44,446 --> 00:22:45,618 I'm gonna have some friends over tomorrow. 463 00:22:46,115 --> 00:22:48,083 Why don't you come, and you can meet some new people? 464 00:22:48,576 --> 00:22:50,704 I'm gonna have to check my schedule. I'm really busy. 465 00:22:50,786 --> 00:22:53,289 I work at GQ now. It's not some little blog on the Internet. 466 00:22:56,750 --> 00:22:57,797 - Hey. - Hey. 467 00:22:57,960 --> 00:22:59,303 - You made it. - Sorry I'm late. 468 00:22:59,420 --> 00:23:02,094 No, no. Please, come in, come in. Thank you. 469 00:23:02,548 --> 00:23:04,095 Hey, everybody! Hey! 470 00:23:04,425 --> 00:23:07,269 This here is Dylan. He's from LA. 471 00:23:08,762 --> 00:23:10,890 He's the reason I can afford all this beer. 472 00:23:13,726 --> 00:23:14,773 Okay, all right. 473 00:23:17,730 --> 00:23:19,448 Am I an animal? 474 00:23:20,941 --> 00:23:21,942 Yeah. 475 00:23:22,776 --> 00:23:24,073 Fuck, I'm pretty good at this. 476 00:23:49,803 --> 00:23:53,307 Lieutenant Kali's a West Coast street artist I got into about five years ago. 477 00:23:53,766 --> 00:23:56,645 - His postmodern interpretation... - This shit is amazing. 478 00:23:56,769 --> 00:23:57,816 I know, right? 479 00:24:01,941 --> 00:24:05,445 You will be able to find the perfect candidate to fill the position at your company. 480 00:24:06,153 --> 00:24:07,154 Okay, here we go. 481 00:24:08,530 --> 00:24:11,500 First up is Joey Morena, who's fluent in Vietnamese 482 00:24:11,617 --> 00:24:13,665 and has had 10 years of experience in the culinary field. 483 00:24:21,669 --> 00:24:23,137 I can't do this any more. 484 00:24:24,546 --> 00:24:27,174 No, I think we both need to go get happy. 485 00:24:27,841 --> 00:24:29,639 It's not adding up to a hundred any more. 486 00:24:29,718 --> 00:24:30,810 Yeah. 487 00:24:30,886 --> 00:24:32,729 Looks like New York's all out of blueberries. 488 00:24:33,013 --> 00:24:34,230 Goodbye, Flapjack. 489 00:24:36,392 --> 00:24:38,019 Taxi! Taxicab! 490 00:24:38,310 --> 00:24:39,311 Flapjack. 491 00:24:39,395 --> 00:24:41,864 Why do all these movies have such bad music? 492 00:24:42,231 --> 00:24:44,700 It's so that you know how to feel every single second. 493 00:24:44,858 --> 00:24:45,905 "I'm heartbroken." 494 00:24:48,570 --> 00:24:50,572 "I'm getting married to the man of my dreams." 495 00:24:53,659 --> 00:24:55,661 "I'm sneaking through an office." 496 00:24:58,914 --> 00:25:00,006 Madison, wait! 497 00:25:00,708 --> 00:25:02,426 Madison! 498 00:25:02,543 --> 00:25:04,420 Madison, wait! 499 00:25:05,546 --> 00:25:06,593 Bryce. 500 00:25:07,172 --> 00:25:09,391 How did you know I was at Grand Central Station? 501 00:25:09,508 --> 00:25:12,352 You're not. You're in Los Angeles, where this movie was shot. 502 00:25:12,428 --> 00:25:14,226 I know you better than you know yourself. 503 00:25:15,597 --> 00:25:18,191 And your crazy friend Susie across the hall told me. 504 00:25:18,726 --> 00:25:19,943 Susie. 505 00:25:20,853 --> 00:25:22,196 Why are you here? 506 00:25:22,396 --> 00:25:23,613 To tel/ you that 507 00:25:24,732 --> 00:25:26,609 I love that sunsets make you cry 508 00:25:27,234 --> 00:25:30,078 and I don't care that you failed your real estate exam, 509 00:25:30,696 --> 00:25:32,619 and I'm glad that you have a five-date rule. 510 00:25:33,907 --> 00:25:35,784 And that I love you. 511 00:25:36,410 --> 00:25:37,957 Not as much as I love you. 512 00:25:40,414 --> 00:25:42,587 Now boarding, track 5, love. 513 00:25:43,083 --> 00:25:45,427 God, I wish my life was a movie sometimes. 514 00:25:45,753 --> 00:25:47,551 You know, I'd never have to worry about my hair, 515 00:25:47,796 --> 00:25:49,389 or having to go to the bathroom. 516 00:25:49,882 --> 00:25:51,976 And then, when I'm at my lowest point, 517 00:25:52,259 --> 00:25:55,433 some guy would chase me down the street, pour his heart out, 518 00:25:55,596 --> 00:25:56,643 and we'd kiss. 519 00:25:57,473 --> 00:25:58,816 Happily ever after. 520 00:26:00,559 --> 00:26:02,607 I mean, a horse and carriage? 521 00:26:02,770 --> 00:26:05,774 Come on, that is awesome. 522 00:26:05,898 --> 00:26:08,367 Not as awesome as this ambiguously upbeat pop song 523 00:26:08,442 --> 00:26:10,069 that has nothing to do with the plot 524 00:26:10,152 --> 00:26:14,908 they put in at the end to try to convince you that you had a great time at this shitty movie. 525 00:26:15,949 --> 00:26:18,953 You know, why don't they ever make a movie about what happens after the big kiss? 526 00:26:19,078 --> 00:26:20,250 They do. It's called porn. 527 00:26:22,623 --> 00:26:24,250 God, I miss sex. 528 00:26:25,626 --> 00:26:27,628 Right? I mean, sometimes you just need it. It's like... 529 00:26:28,921 --> 00:26:30,639 I don't know, it's like cracking your neck. 530 00:26:30,923 --> 00:26:32,800 Why does it always gotta come with complications? 531 00:26:32,925 --> 00:26:34,802 - And emotions. - And guilt. 532 00:26:35,302 --> 00:26:36,303 Guilt. 533 00:26:36,804 --> 00:26:38,681 - It's women's fault. - What? 534 00:26:38,847 --> 00:26:42,522 You heard me. "Hold me. Let's spend the rest of our lives together." 535 00:26:42,643 --> 00:26:44,020 Oh, please, you are no better. 536 00:26:44,353 --> 00:26:47,983 "Oh, yeah, baby, come on, now. Say my name. Yeah..." 537 00:26:48,816 --> 00:26:50,693 "I'm done. How was I?" 538 00:26:50,818 --> 00:26:51,819 Who have you been with? 539 00:26:53,278 --> 00:26:54,825 Why can't it not be like that? 540 00:26:54,988 --> 00:26:59,368 It's a physical act. Like playing tennis. 541 00:26:59,827 --> 00:27:02,046 Two people should be able to have sex like they're playing tennis. 542 00:27:02,162 --> 00:27:03,960 Yeah, I mean, no one wants to go away for the weekend 543 00:27:04,039 --> 00:27:05,336 after they play tennis. 544 00:27:05,958 --> 00:27:08,711 It's just a game. You shake hands, get on with your shit. 545 00:27:09,002 --> 00:27:10,174 - Yeah. - Yeah. 546 00:27:12,673 --> 00:27:13,890 Do you want more beer? 547 00:27:14,842 --> 00:27:16,014 Okay. 548 00:27:23,725 --> 00:27:24,817 - Jamie! - Yeah? 549 00:27:25,394 --> 00:27:27,112 - Let's play tennis. - What? 550 00:27:27,187 --> 00:27:28,564 Let's have sex like we're playing tennis. 551 00:27:28,689 --> 00:27:29,906 Get the hell out of here. 552 00:27:30,566 --> 00:27:32,694 Don't laugh. This could be great. 553 00:27:32,860 --> 00:27:34,407 This could take all the weirdness out of it. 554 00:27:34,528 --> 00:27:36,951 Well, we talked about this. I don't like you like that. 555 00:27:37,030 --> 00:27:39,579 I don't like you like that either. That's why it's perfect. 556 00:27:40,701 --> 00:27:42,499 I don't even know if I find you attractive. 557 00:27:42,578 --> 00:27:43,704 That's cute. 558 00:27:43,829 --> 00:27:45,422 Well, I do have a thing for jerks. 559 00:27:46,540 --> 00:27:48,167 Okay, well, do you even find me attractive? 560 00:27:48,250 --> 00:27:49,672 - That's cute. - No, no, no. 561 00:27:49,751 --> 00:27:52,220 Before you got to know my awesome personality. 562 00:27:52,379 --> 00:27:53,380 Strictly physical. 563 00:27:54,256 --> 00:27:55,678 First time you saw me. 564 00:27:57,050 --> 00:27:59,223 - This is just two people talking? - Yeah. 565 00:27:59,720 --> 00:28:02,724 Two girls over drinks at Bennigan's. Go. 566 00:28:04,391 --> 00:28:07,395 I liked your eyes. I didn't think I'd ever seen such big, beautiful eyes. 567 00:28:10,355 --> 00:28:13,529 Your lips. Yeah. I thought you might be a good kisser. 568 00:28:13,859 --> 00:28:15,031 I am. 569 00:28:15,527 --> 00:28:16,904 - Your breasts. - What about them? 570 00:28:17,029 --> 00:28:18,326 - They intrigued me. - Really? 571 00:28:18,405 --> 00:28:20,703 - Yeah. - I think they're so tiny. 572 00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:22,747 - They're still breasts. - Thanks. 573 00:28:23,952 --> 00:28:25,454 - I liked your hands. - Mouth. 574 00:28:25,787 --> 00:28:26,834 - Butt. - Voice. 575 00:28:26,914 --> 00:28:27,961 - Chest. - Eyes. 576 00:28:28,081 --> 00:28:29,628 - You said that. - I meant it. 577 00:28:32,961 --> 00:28:35,760 You swear you don't want anything more from me other than sex? 578 00:28:35,881 --> 00:28:37,599 You swear you don't want anything more from me? 579 00:28:38,217 --> 00:28:41,266 I know how you girls get. Tick-took, tick-took. 580 00:28:41,386 --> 00:28:42,433 Stop it. 581 00:28:43,472 --> 00:28:47,443 - What are you doing? - I'm pulling up my Bible app. 582 00:28:47,726 --> 00:28:50,400 - You have a Bible app? - Yes. I am a good girl. 583 00:28:50,604 --> 00:28:51,776 - Hand on the iPad. - Okay. 584 00:28:51,980 --> 00:28:53,277 Wait, no. 585 00:28:53,565 --> 00:28:54,612 Why can't they figure this out? 586 00:28:54,983 --> 00:28:58,112 No... This thing thinks I'm you and you're me. 587 00:28:58,237 --> 00:28:59,705 Keep your hand still. I'll move the iPad. 588 00:28:59,780 --> 00:29:01,123 - It's actually making me dizzy. - Hold on. 589 00:29:02,449 --> 00:29:03,666 There we go. 590 00:29:07,829 --> 00:29:09,456 No relationship. 591 00:29:09,831 --> 00:29:11,003 No emotions. 592 00:29:11,750 --> 00:29:12,751 Just sex. 593 00:29:12,834 --> 00:29:15,462 Whatever happens, we stay friends. 594 00:29:15,754 --> 00:29:17,927 - Swear. - Swear. 595 00:29:22,135 --> 00:29:23,307 Okay. 596 00:29:27,849 --> 00:29:30,318 So I guess we should just start. 597 00:29:31,645 --> 00:29:32,817 Okay. 598 00:29:33,981 --> 00:29:34,982 I'll serve. 599 00:29:35,107 --> 00:29:37,405 That's really... That's enough of the tennis. 600 00:29:37,484 --> 00:29:38,576 Let's go to the bedroom. 601 00:29:38,652 --> 00:29:40,654 What's wrong with the couch? It's less emotional. 602 00:29:40,779 --> 00:29:42,122 The bedroom has better light. 603 00:29:42,364 --> 00:29:44,913 And since we're just friends, I don't have to be insecure about my body. 604 00:29:44,992 --> 00:29:46,994 Come on, okay? You're beautiful. 605 00:29:47,119 --> 00:29:49,167 You have nothing to be insecure about. 606 00:29:50,706 --> 00:29:53,209 No, you see, that is way too emotionally supportive 607 00:29:53,333 --> 00:29:55,301 and you need to just lock that down. 608 00:29:57,546 --> 00:29:59,640 - Your ass is a little bony. - Much better. 609 00:29:59,840 --> 00:30:02,684 My nipples are sensitive, I don't like dirty talk, 610 00:30:02,801 --> 00:30:05,805 and had I known this was gonna happen, I would have shaved my legs this morning. 611 00:30:05,887 --> 00:30:08,436 My chin is ticklish, I sneeze sometimes after I come, 612 00:30:08,515 --> 00:30:09,983 and if I'd have known this was gonna happen, 613 00:30:10,058 --> 00:30:11,275 I wouldn't have shaved my legs this morning. 614 00:30:11,351 --> 00:30:12,523 Okie-dokie. 615 00:30:14,730 --> 00:30:17,153 I keep my socks on. Intimacy issues. 616 00:30:17,232 --> 00:30:19,155 Great, 'cause feet gross me out. Daddy issues. 617 00:30:19,234 --> 00:30:20,577 Great. 618 00:30:24,698 --> 00:30:25,995 I can work with that. 619 00:30:28,869 --> 00:30:29,916 Should be fine. 620 00:30:32,873 --> 00:30:34,250 I can't believe I'm doing this. 621 00:30:34,583 --> 00:30:36,301 Should we stop? We could just go for a run. 622 00:30:36,376 --> 00:30:37,923 I don't know, are we getting too old for this? 623 00:30:38,879 --> 00:30:40,597 - Sex? - No, casual sex. 624 00:30:40,714 --> 00:30:43,433 It just, I don't know, feels a little collegey. 625 00:30:43,717 --> 00:30:45,560 - I could sing some Third Eye Blind. - Okay. 626 00:30:49,097 --> 00:30:51,475 - That's not Third Eye Blind. - I'm pretty sure that's Third Eye Blind. 627 00:30:51,558 --> 00:30:52,605 Nope. 628 00:30:56,855 --> 00:30:58,573 - What's wrong? - We're just doing this once. 629 00:30:58,690 --> 00:30:59,862 - I totally agree. - Okay. 630 00:30:59,941 --> 00:31:01,158 - Great. - Great. 631 00:31:01,234 --> 00:31:02,451 Little faster. 632 00:31:02,569 --> 00:31:04,571 - More circular. - Watch my chin. 633 00:31:04,863 --> 00:31:06,080 - Touch my ears. - Okay. 634 00:31:07,616 --> 00:31:08,959 Kiss my neck. 635 00:31:10,035 --> 00:31:11,628 - Say my name. - Dylan Francis Harper Jr. 636 00:31:11,745 --> 00:31:12,746 Not my full name. 637 00:31:12,871 --> 00:31:14,088 Sorry, I had to fill out a lot of your paperwork. 638 00:31:14,206 --> 00:31:15,253 - Stop talking. - Okay. 639 00:31:15,374 --> 00:31:17,251 Oh, my God, you're really... 640 00:31:19,086 --> 00:31:24,593 A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P... 641 00:31:24,716 --> 00:31:27,060 - Dylan, I... - Relax. 642 00:31:27,135 --> 00:31:29,308 Just a friend going down on another friend. 643 00:31:29,429 --> 00:31:31,147 Oh, yeah, baby. Tornado. 644 00:31:35,394 --> 00:31:36,441 What, what? 645 00:31:36,603 --> 00:31:38,697 What are you trying to do? Dig your way to China? 646 00:31:38,772 --> 00:31:40,149 - I'm good at this. - Says who? 647 00:31:40,273 --> 00:31:41,616 Every girl I've been with. 648 00:31:41,733 --> 00:31:44,111 Well, they're either lying or their vaginas are made out of burlap. 649 00:31:44,277 --> 00:31:46,120 So, relax. You're not a lizard. 650 00:31:46,446 --> 00:31:47,948 - Okay, fine. - Okay, fine. 651 00:31:50,742 --> 00:31:52,244 - A little to the right. - Okay. 652 00:31:52,452 --> 00:31:54,079 - A little bit more to the left. - Roger that. 653 00:31:54,162 --> 00:31:55,630 - Now go down. - Here we go. 654 00:31:55,914 --> 00:31:58,258 - A little more... Whoa, too far! - Sorry. 655 00:32:04,005 --> 00:32:05,257 - What's wrong? - Nothing! 656 00:32:05,340 --> 00:32:06,842 When women start to scream, it could be misconstrued. 657 00:32:06,967 --> 00:32:08,435 Just keep going! 658 00:32:17,978 --> 00:32:19,025 Yeah, you know it. 659 00:32:23,775 --> 00:32:25,823 Well, let me tell you how I like it. 660 00:32:26,778 --> 00:32:28,746 See, most girls think you should start off soft, 661 00:32:28,822 --> 00:32:32,292 but if you just get in, really go for it, .. 662 00:32:45,130 --> 00:32:46,507 Yeah, you know it. 663 00:33:05,859 --> 00:33:08,954 - Let's go with Obama. - No, no, no, no! 664 00:33:09,029 --> 00:33:11,873 It's too easy, too predictable. Go with Shaun. 665 00:33:11,990 --> 00:33:16,871 He's stylish, transcendent of sport, has an ass like a kumquat. 666 00:33:17,245 --> 00:33:19,873 - I hear he's kind of a jerk. - No, he's not. 667 00:33:20,040 --> 00:33:21,087 You're just threatened by him 668 00:33:21,208 --> 00:33:23,631 because he's the greatest snow sport athlete in the universe 669 00:33:23,710 --> 00:33:25,678 and he gets more squirrel than an oak tree. 670 00:33:25,754 --> 00:33:27,927 Hey, Dylan? Jamie Rellis is in the lobby for you. 671 00:33:28,048 --> 00:33:29,095 Okay, thanks. 672 00:33:29,716 --> 00:33:31,514 Let's hit this after lunch. Okay, guys? 673 00:33:32,052 --> 00:33:34,180 Nobody wants to fuck Obama, brah. 674 00:33:34,262 --> 00:33:35,605 He's got ears like an elephant. 675 00:33:35,722 --> 00:33:37,895 That's not the part of an elephant you want. 676 00:33:41,937 --> 00:33:43,063 - Hi! - Hi. 677 00:33:46,525 --> 00:33:48,277 Sorry to just show up like this. 678 00:33:48,443 --> 00:33:49,569 No, no, no, it's fine. 679 00:33:50,362 --> 00:33:51,409 So... 680 00:33:54,199 --> 00:33:55,246 - Wanna take a walk? - Love to. 681 00:33:55,408 --> 00:33:57,627 Great. Okay. 682 00:34:03,416 --> 00:34:04,713 Okay, so about what happened, I... 683 00:34:04,793 --> 00:34:07,672 - It was crazy and we shouldn't have done it. - Exactly. No, no, exactly. 684 00:34:07,754 --> 00:34:09,006 I mean, it is so not me. 685 00:34:09,089 --> 00:34:11,091 I totally agree. Let's forget it happened. 686 00:34:11,383 --> 00:34:14,762 Great. I mean, look, I've had one-night stands. 687 00:34:14,886 --> 00:34:18,106 We both have had one-night stands, none of which we're proud of, but... 688 00:34:19,099 --> 00:34:20,100 Really? 689 00:34:20,976 --> 00:34:23,149 Look, to think that you and I could just have sex 690 00:34:23,270 --> 00:34:25,443 and without it compromising anything was just so... 691 00:34:25,605 --> 00:34:27,903 - Misguided. - Exactly. 692 00:34:28,149 --> 00:34:29,492 I was gonna call you this morning. 693 00:34:29,734 --> 00:34:30,781 But you didn't. 694 00:34:30,944 --> 00:34:31,945 But I didn't. 695 00:34:32,112 --> 00:34:34,285 And you see, it's already coming between us and I really... 696 00:34:34,406 --> 00:34:35,703 I just don't want it to. 697 00:34:35,782 --> 00:34:36,829 It's not going to. 698 00:34:36,950 --> 00:34:39,829 Look, I know that I act all tough and I talk all tough, but really... 699 00:34:39,953 --> 00:34:42,752 It's just a front to protect yourself from your own vulnerability. 700 00:34:43,665 --> 00:34:45,292 What are you, my fucking therapist now? 701 00:34:45,500 --> 00:34:50,097 No, I'm a friend. Who knows that every time you curse, you blink. 702 00:34:50,297 --> 00:34:53,642 - Like your body's rejecting the word. - It does not. 703 00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:54,801 - Fuck you. - Blinked. 704 00:34:54,926 --> 00:34:56,644 - No, I didn't fucking blink. - Blinked again. 705 00:34:56,803 --> 00:34:58,430 - Shit. - Ah, didn't blink. 706 00:34:59,014 --> 00:35:00,106 "Shit" you're okay with. 707 00:35:01,016 --> 00:35:02,188 - It was stupid. - Yes. 708 00:35:02,309 --> 00:35:05,188 - We're friends, let's stay friends. - Yes. Yes, this, I don't wanna lose this. 709 00:35:05,312 --> 00:35:06,438 Me neither. 710 00:35:06,646 --> 00:35:07,647 - Great. - Fantastic. 711 00:35:07,814 --> 00:35:09,612 Portrait for the lovely couple? 712 00:35:18,158 --> 00:35:19,785 - What the hell are we doing? - I don't know. 713 00:35:22,162 --> 00:35:24,335 - Rub my hair. - Kiss my neck. 714 00:35:27,459 --> 00:35:28,506 - Watch my nipple. - All right, all right. 715 00:35:30,337 --> 00:35:32,010 - I didn't know you had a tattoo. - Yeah. 716 00:35:32,339 --> 00:35:33,465 Why didn't I notice that before? 717 00:35:33,673 --> 00:35:35,050 Because we were drunk. 718 00:35:35,300 --> 00:35:37,143 - Was it your dog? - No. Never had one. 719 00:35:37,302 --> 00:35:38,394 But everyone else did. 720 00:35:38,511 --> 00:35:40,184 And I thought having a dog meant you had a normal family, 721 00:35:40,305 --> 00:35:41,978 which at 17 I desperately wanted. 722 00:35:42,057 --> 00:35:43,980 So as a sign of rebellion you got a tattoo 723 00:35:44,184 --> 00:35:45,652 of the most conventional thing you could think of. 724 00:35:45,727 --> 00:35:47,354 It was super awesome back then. 725 00:35:47,562 --> 00:35:48,654 - Check it. - Okay. 726 00:35:48,855 --> 00:35:50,107 - A lightning bolt? - Eighteen. 727 00:35:50,190 --> 00:35:51,407 - Wanted superpowers. - Yeah. 728 00:35:52,359 --> 00:35:54,236 I was a little into Harry Potter back then. 729 00:35:54,361 --> 00:35:56,955 - Were you also gay back then? - Harry Potter doesn't make you gay! 730 00:35:57,030 --> 00:35:58,828 - Okay. - Are you sure about this? 731 00:35:58,907 --> 00:35:59,954 - Are you? - No. 732 00:36:00,033 --> 00:36:01,205 Me neither. 733 00:36:05,664 --> 00:36:07,883 - How was your day? - It was okay. 734 00:36:08,500 --> 00:36:10,218 - I had a turkey sandwich for lunch. - How was that? 735 00:36:10,335 --> 00:36:12,053 It wasn't that good. How was your day? 736 00:36:12,170 --> 00:36:14,548 Still trying to figure out that subway system. It is tricky. 737 00:36:17,384 --> 00:36:18,886 And it's out of here! 738 00:36:25,225 --> 00:36:26,898 - My butt. - What? 739 00:36:27,018 --> 00:36:28,565 - Oh, my butt. - Really? 740 00:36:28,728 --> 00:36:31,823 No, I mean my butt, it's cramping. Can you grab a pillow? 741 00:36:31,898 --> 00:36:33,115 Okay, yeah, yeah. 742 00:36:34,567 --> 00:36:36,240 - So, no butt? - No. 743 00:36:39,739 --> 00:36:42,208 - Really? Already? - Just kidding. 744 00:36:47,122 --> 00:36:49,420 - Do you like this position? - Yeah, it's all right. 745 00:36:52,043 --> 00:36:54,262 I gotta be honest, I feel a little emasculated. 746 00:36:55,088 --> 00:36:59,138 A naked girl is lying on top of you and you feel emasculated? 747 00:37:00,468 --> 00:37:02,687 - Little bit. - You do know what that word means, right? 748 00:37:02,762 --> 00:37:04,810 Yes, I know what it means, and I feel it. 749 00:37:04,931 --> 00:37:07,104 Okay, all right, you big baby. 750 00:37:07,642 --> 00:37:09,394 - Chinese fire drill. - Okay. Go! 751 00:37:11,604 --> 00:37:12,776 Okay. 752 00:37:15,608 --> 00:37:17,076 - Do you feel manly now? - I do. 753 00:37:17,277 --> 00:37:18,494 Okay. Put it in. 754 00:37:19,946 --> 00:37:20,947 That's not funny. 755 00:37:21,281 --> 00:37:22,783 - It's kind of funny. - It's kind of funny. 756 00:37:27,287 --> 00:37:28,459 - Hold on. - What's wrong? 757 00:37:28,580 --> 00:37:29,581 I have to go to the bathroom. 758 00:37:29,664 --> 00:37:32,008 - What? Now? - Yes, now. I had a lot of watermelon. 759 00:37:43,303 --> 00:37:44,350 What's going on in there? 760 00:37:44,471 --> 00:37:46,098 Do you know how hard it is to pee with a hard-on? 761 00:37:46,181 --> 00:37:47,228 No, actually. 762 00:37:47,307 --> 00:37:49,605 It's like two lanes of traffic merging into one. It takes time. 763 00:37:56,274 --> 00:37:57,776 - Are you pooping? - No. 764 00:37:57,859 --> 00:37:59,987 - Why are you sitting down? - It's easier to control. 765 00:38:00,195 --> 00:38:02,994 - You want a mess in here? - No. No, no. Sorry. 766 00:38:17,003 --> 00:38:18,175 Yeah. 767 00:38:18,963 --> 00:38:20,010 Yup... 768 00:38:23,134 --> 00:38:24,226 What? Did I leak? 769 00:38:24,344 --> 00:38:25,345 Did you wash your hands? 770 00:38:25,845 --> 00:38:26,892 Oh, come on, dude. 771 00:38:27,013 --> 00:38:28,640 I know we're just friends, but I'm still a lady. 772 00:38:29,015 --> 00:38:32,360 Now get back in there, wash your hands and then bring that fine ass back here. 773 00:38:32,477 --> 00:38:35,026 If you keep talking to me like that, I'm not gonna come back. 774 00:38:40,693 --> 00:38:43,572 - My hammies are killing me. - Have a banana, they're in the fridge. 775 00:38:43,822 --> 00:38:45,074 Why would you keep bananas in the fridge? 776 00:38:45,365 --> 00:38:47,538 - It dries them out. - It doesn't. They have a peel. 777 00:38:47,659 --> 00:38:49,161 It's not armor. Air still gets in. 778 00:38:49,244 --> 00:38:50,496 Do you want a banana or not? 779 00:38:50,703 --> 00:38:52,080 Not if they're dry. I'm not an animal. 780 00:38:54,332 --> 00:38:55,879 At least I have food in the house. 781 00:38:56,167 --> 00:38:57,840 All you have at home is drinkable yogurt. 782 00:38:58,169 --> 00:39:00,171 I like to drink my yogurt. It's a timesaver. 783 00:39:00,255 --> 00:39:02,724 Well, then you think you could use that time to shave your stubble. 784 00:39:02,841 --> 00:39:04,309 Your whiskers are like knives. 785 00:39:04,384 --> 00:39:08,059 Now, see, if you were my girlfriend, I couldn't tell you to shut up right now. 786 00:39:08,221 --> 00:39:10,565 And because you're just my buddy, I can tell you 787 00:39:10,682 --> 00:39:15,404 that if you don't start shaving up here, I'm gonna stop shaving down there. 788 00:39:20,275 --> 00:39:21,492 Hey, hey. Hey... 789 00:39:21,568 --> 00:39:23,115 - Mom! - "Mom"? 790 00:39:24,571 --> 00:39:27,120 My eyes are covered. I don't know what you're doing. 791 00:39:27,240 --> 00:39:29,914 I can't see you putting on your black underpants. 792 00:39:30,034 --> 00:39:32,002 Jamie, baby, I missed you. 793 00:39:32,078 --> 00:39:33,421 On, baby. 794 00:39:33,705 --> 00:39:35,924 Did your boobs get bigger? Mom, I'm over here. 795 00:39:36,457 --> 00:39:39,051 Hey, baby. Oh, no, they didn't. 796 00:39:39,252 --> 00:39:42,973 - What are you doing here? - Victor turned out to be a total Lombard. 797 00:39:43,256 --> 00:39:46,601 L-O-M-B-A-R-D. "Lots Of Money But A Real Dullard." 798 00:39:46,718 --> 00:39:47,970 Victor, her fiancé. 799 00:39:48,094 --> 00:39:49,471 Ex-fiancé. 800 00:39:49,596 --> 00:39:51,644 - What happened? - Nothing. He was just blah. 801 00:39:51,764 --> 00:39:53,607 I mean, nice, but it was like talking to dirt. 802 00:39:53,725 --> 00:39:56,444 I woke up one day and I said, "Lorna..." I'm Lorna. 803 00:39:57,437 --> 00:40:00,281 - Dylan. - I said, "Lorna, this is not your bliss." 804 00:40:00,648 --> 00:40:02,366 - "Just because you're 39..." - Forty-eight. 805 00:40:02,442 --> 00:40:05,070 "...It doesn't mean you have to settle. He's not an insurance claim." 806 00:40:05,153 --> 00:40:07,030 So I caught the first plane off the island. 807 00:40:07,113 --> 00:40:09,787 - Cleveland's not an island. - Oh, baby, it is. 808 00:40:10,116 --> 00:40:12,744 Anyway, here I am. It's so good to see you. 809 00:40:12,827 --> 00:40:15,250 You never told me you had a hot boyfriend. 810 00:40:15,455 --> 00:40:17,207 He's not my boyfriend, Mom. 811 00:40:17,290 --> 00:40:19,167 - That's right, we're just friends. - I love it. 812 00:40:19,292 --> 00:40:21,670 It's like the '70s in here. 813 00:40:22,462 --> 00:40:24,635 That was a better time. Just sex. 814 00:40:24,756 --> 00:40:27,805 A little grass, a little glue... Not during pregnancy. 815 00:40:27,926 --> 00:40:29,599 Well, not during the final trimester. 816 00:40:29,677 --> 00:40:32,180 But no complications. It's great! 817 00:40:33,431 --> 00:40:35,854 Okay, well, that's technically, I guess, what this is. 818 00:40:36,017 --> 00:40:37,314 That's exactly what this is. 819 00:40:37,435 --> 00:40:39,278 So my daughter is just your slampiece? 820 00:40:39,479 --> 00:40:41,322 No, no. "Slampiece"? 821 00:40:41,439 --> 00:40:43,658 I'm just kidding. Slam away. 822 00:40:43,816 --> 00:40:45,113 Have fun. I think this is great. 823 00:40:45,193 --> 00:40:46,820 The only thing is, it takes you off the market. 824 00:40:46,986 --> 00:40:48,954 But what the hell. The whole reason you go to the market 825 00:40:49,030 --> 00:40:51,783 is to buy the produce, which you already got. 826 00:40:52,992 --> 00:40:56,997 It's so good to see you, baby. I'm only gonna be here a few weeks. 827 00:40:57,121 --> 00:40:58,998 I'm starving. You got any gin? 828 00:40:59,332 --> 00:41:00,959 It's in the kitchen. 829 00:41:02,460 --> 00:41:03,507 You gotta go. 830 00:41:03,962 --> 00:41:06,306 - Is she wearing Axe body spray? - I don't know. Come on. 831 00:41:06,381 --> 00:41:08,679 Bananas in the refrigerator? What are you, Puerto Rican? 832 00:41:09,008 --> 00:41:12,558 - That is terrible, Mother. - Just joking. Your dad was Puerto Rican. 833 00:41:12,679 --> 00:41:14,181 What? You said that he was Greek. 834 00:41:14,347 --> 00:41:15,815 - Potato, potato... - Get your shoes. 835 00:41:15,890 --> 00:41:18,439 - Okay. All right. - Well, not... Just go, just go. 836 00:41:18,518 --> 00:41:20,065 I'll just put these on on the bike? 837 00:41:20,186 --> 00:41:21,233 - Yeah. - Okay. 838 00:41:21,854 --> 00:41:22,901 It was nice to have met you... 839 00:41:23,022 --> 00:41:24,615 - Hey. - And your pants are coming off. 840 00:41:24,691 --> 00:41:26,739 Oh, my... Mom! Mom, please! 841 00:41:29,028 --> 00:41:30,029 Back, back! 842 00:41:33,825 --> 00:41:35,919 That's what I'm talking about! 843 00:41:36,703 --> 00:41:39,206 We're kicking every gay ass out here! 844 00:41:39,414 --> 00:41:41,758 I don't say that pejoratively, I say it hopefully. 845 00:41:41,874 --> 00:41:43,376 Hold it. Any of you gay? 846 00:41:43,543 --> 00:41:45,045 - Not even you? - Come on, man. 847 00:41:45,169 --> 00:41:47,263 Come talk to me after. Give me five minutes of your time. 848 00:41:47,380 --> 00:41:49,098 I might be able to let you see some reason. 849 00:41:55,263 --> 00:41:57,015 Look at you in the house! 850 00:41:57,098 --> 00:41:58,224 Come on, baby! 851 00:41:59,726 --> 00:42:00,852 I'm supposed to meet up with Jamie. 852 00:42:01,936 --> 00:42:03,609 Who's that, that headhunter? 853 00:42:03,855 --> 00:42:05,198 What, you guys going out now? 854 00:42:05,273 --> 00:42:07,901 No, no, no, we're just friends. We're messing around a little bit. 855 00:42:08,276 --> 00:42:09,994 - What do you mean? - Sleeping together. 856 00:42:10,069 --> 00:42:11,366 But it's just sex. 857 00:42:11,446 --> 00:42:13,073 That never works, bro. 858 00:42:13,197 --> 00:42:16,918 She's a girl. Sex always means more to them even if they don't admit it. 859 00:42:17,076 --> 00:42:18,168 Jamie's different. 860 00:42:18,244 --> 00:42:20,838 Does she have a penis where most girls have a vagina? 861 00:42:20,913 --> 00:42:22,586 - No penis. - Then she's no different. 862 00:42:22,915 --> 00:42:24,292 What do you know about women, anyway? 863 00:42:24,417 --> 00:42:27,091 Dude, I've turned down more tail than you'll ever have. 864 00:42:27,211 --> 00:42:28,303 Yeah, bro. You're gay. 865 00:42:28,629 --> 00:42:32,259 But the offers still keep rolling in, naturally. Look at me. 866 00:42:32,633 --> 00:42:38,640 And, hey, I love women. They're beautiful, majestic, mysterious, mesmerizing creatures. 867 00:42:38,890 --> 00:42:42,736 Smart, empathetic. Far superior to men in every way. 868 00:42:43,102 --> 00:42:46,572 And if I had a choice, I would be with women to my dying day. 869 00:42:46,647 --> 00:42:49,821 But me likes cock so I'm strict-aly dick-aly. 870 00:42:50,902 --> 00:42:53,246 So it's always just about sex, then? 871 00:42:53,321 --> 00:42:56,666 No. I've been in love. I went down that rabbit hole. 872 00:42:56,991 --> 00:42:58,288 You know what I discovered? 873 00:42:58,951 --> 00:43:01,045 It's not who you want to spend Friday night with, 874 00:43:01,120 --> 00:43:03,589 it's who you want to spend all day Saturday with. 875 00:43:03,664 --> 00:43:04,756 Feel me, Felix? 876 00:43:04,832 --> 00:43:08,177 Yeah, but then it's every Saturday for the rest of your life. 877 00:43:08,753 --> 00:43:10,096 It's okay, you don't get it. 878 00:43:10,338 --> 00:43:12,511 It's no big deal. But you will. 879 00:43:13,174 --> 00:43:17,099 One day, you'll meet someone and it'll literally take your breath away. 880 00:43:17,261 --> 00:43:21,357 Like you can't breathe. Like no oxygen to the lungs. 881 00:43:21,516 --> 00:43:23,860 - Like a fish... - Yeah, I get it, Tommy. 882 00:43:24,352 --> 00:43:25,444 Yeah, you don't. 883 00:43:25,978 --> 00:43:28,356 Nice work on that new online site, by the way. 884 00:43:28,815 --> 00:43:30,317 What was the font on that headline? 885 00:43:30,608 --> 00:43:31,700 It was Times Roman. 886 00:43:31,818 --> 00:43:34,116 Times Roman. Inspired. I'm out. 887 00:43:40,660 --> 00:43:41,707 You have a boat? 888 00:43:41,869 --> 00:43:45,169 I live in Jersey. And I ain't taking no ferry. 889 00:43:45,832 --> 00:43:47,709 Unless it's out to dinner and a show. 890 00:44:04,016 --> 00:44:05,017 - Hey. - Yeah. 891 00:44:05,143 --> 00:44:10,445 You and that Dylan? Way to go. I mean the whole friendship-sex thing. 892 00:44:10,523 --> 00:44:12,196 Kudos, baby, kudos. 893 00:44:13,693 --> 00:44:15,036 It's not that big of a deal. 894 00:44:15,236 --> 00:44:19,161 It's just surprising. I always thought you were a true-love kind of girl. 895 00:44:19,490 --> 00:44:22,539 Whatever, Mom. It's not like it's stopping me from anything. 896 00:44:22,702 --> 00:44:24,545 That's what I thought back in '78. 897 00:44:25,204 --> 00:44:26,672 And every year since. 898 00:44:26,914 --> 00:44:29,258 I'm just... I'm flattered, actually. 899 00:44:29,375 --> 00:44:31,343 The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. 900 00:44:32,211 --> 00:44:34,009 It's just surprising. 901 00:44:35,506 --> 00:44:38,225 - There, done. It's... There we go. - Okay. 902 00:44:39,844 --> 00:44:42,848 You look great! You look great. You look like a princess. 903 00:44:43,556 --> 00:44:44,728 - Yeah! - Really? 904 00:44:44,891 --> 00:44:46,234 - Yeah. - Okay. 905 00:44:46,350 --> 00:44:50,196 Hey, my friend gave me his house in Montauk for July 4th. 906 00:44:50,271 --> 00:44:53,195 Let's you and me go away together. No men, no bullshit. 907 00:44:53,274 --> 00:44:56,073 Just mother-daughter. Like a Nora Ephron movie. 908 00:44:56,861 --> 00:44:59,410 When was the last time we spent a full weekend together? 909 00:44:59,572 --> 00:45:02,576 When I was eight, that time in Vermont. We got snowed in with the ski instructor. 910 00:45:02,700 --> 00:45:03,792 - Demitri. - Bill. 911 00:45:03,910 --> 00:45:05,253 He reminded me a lot of your father. 912 00:45:05,703 --> 00:45:08,923 Dark curls, olive skin, Cold War accent. 913 00:45:09,040 --> 00:45:10,883 - My father was Russian? - I don't remember. 914 00:45:11,042 --> 00:45:14,091 But what I do remember is we drank a lot of vodka and shot a lot of guns. 915 00:45:14,378 --> 00:45:17,757 Mom, this "who's your daddy" game is getting really old. 916 00:45:17,882 --> 00:45:20,601 I know I haven't been the best mother in the world... 917 00:45:23,596 --> 00:45:25,064 I'm sorry, were you waiting for me to jump in? 918 00:45:25,264 --> 00:45:28,393 Come on! Go away with me. Come on! 919 00:45:29,227 --> 00:45:31,070 Come on. Come on. 920 00:45:31,479 --> 00:45:34,323 Okay, we'll do it. It'll be fun, yeah? 921 00:45:40,947 --> 00:45:42,949 - Mom... - I was trying to bond! 922 00:45:43,074 --> 00:45:45,452 It was either this or sniff glue. 923 00:45:50,998 --> 00:45:53,251 - Sorry about my mom. - I thought she was funny. 924 00:45:53,334 --> 00:45:56,133 Yeah, she's really funny when she's asking for money, 925 00:45:56,254 --> 00:45:58,803 and she's hilarious when she needs a place to stay. 926 00:46:04,136 --> 00:46:07,265 Dylan, I think I wanna start dating again. 927 00:46:08,140 --> 00:46:11,144 Listen, I think we should stop this. 928 00:46:14,105 --> 00:46:15,448 Yeah? 929 00:46:16,148 --> 00:46:17,195 I kind of think you're right. 930 00:46:17,316 --> 00:46:18,317 Right? 931 00:46:18,526 --> 00:46:24,033 Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end. 932 00:46:24,448 --> 00:46:25,916 That actually makes sense right here. 933 00:46:25,992 --> 00:46:27,960 Who would've thought Third Eye Blind could be so prophetic? 934 00:46:28,035 --> 00:46:29,161 Not Third Eye Blind. 935 00:46:29,287 --> 00:46:31,005 I'm pretty sure that's Third Eye Blind. 936 00:46:31,163 --> 00:46:32,289 Do you wanna go grab some lunch? 937 00:46:32,373 --> 00:46:33,499 - Yes. - Okay. 938 00:46:33,708 --> 00:46:35,301 - You're buying. - What? 939 00:46:37,545 --> 00:46:38,637 Okay. 940 00:46:41,007 --> 00:46:42,008 - Pants. - Shirt. 941 00:46:42,800 --> 00:46:43,847 So this is the end of this? 942 00:46:44,010 --> 00:46:45,887 - I guess so. But it's good. - Yeah. 943 00:46:46,012 --> 00:46:47,389 - And we did it. - With no bullshit. 944 00:46:47,513 --> 00:46:48,560 - Shirt. - Sweater. 945 00:46:49,473 --> 00:46:51,316 We managed to actually stay friends. 946 00:46:51,684 --> 00:46:52,810 - Yup. - Yeah. 947 00:46:57,231 --> 00:46:59,029 Okay. So, what is your type, anyway? 948 00:46:59,191 --> 00:47:01,193 No, I don't have a type. 949 00:47:01,360 --> 00:47:03,579 - It's more about what's inside. - Oh, please! 950 00:47:03,696 --> 00:47:05,414 Okay, what about her? 951 00:47:05,990 --> 00:47:08,038 Yeah. I could get to know her inside. 952 00:47:08,159 --> 00:47:09,206 And she's reading a book. 953 00:47:10,036 --> 00:47:11,333 It's probably Nicholas Sparks. 954 00:47:11,871 --> 00:47:13,669 - I'm gonna go talk to her. - What? 955 00:47:14,040 --> 00:47:15,917 What do you mean, "What?" We said we wanted to date again. 956 00:47:16,042 --> 00:47:17,715 - I'm gonna go talk to her. - Now? 957 00:47:17,835 --> 00:47:19,337 Here, in front of all of these people? 958 00:47:19,503 --> 00:47:22,723 I didn't say I was gonna rape her. I said I was gonna go talk to her. 959 00:47:26,594 --> 00:47:29,393 Excuse me. I'm Dylan. Nice to meet you. 960 00:47:29,889 --> 00:47:31,015 The Notebook. 961 00:47:37,438 --> 00:47:38,564 Nice meeting you. 962 00:47:42,276 --> 00:47:44,825 - Well? - We talked. We laughed. 963 00:47:44,904 --> 00:47:46,030 Yeah. 964 00:47:46,238 --> 00:47:48,411 - She's Belgian. - Explains the reading. 965 00:47:48,741 --> 00:47:50,163 I showed her where the balcony was, 966 00:47:50,242 --> 00:47:52,916 because that's where she is meeting up with her husband. 967 00:47:54,914 --> 00:47:56,086 Anniversary trip to New York. 968 00:47:56,374 --> 00:47:59,378 Three kids. Christof, Karlina and Pepijn. 969 00:48:00,503 --> 00:48:01,550 Shut up. 970 00:48:02,588 --> 00:48:05,432 Why are you still laughing? At least I gave it a shot. 971 00:48:05,674 --> 00:48:08,268 Fine. I'll go next. 972 00:48:08,594 --> 00:48:10,938 - See if I still have game. - Okay. 973 00:48:11,097 --> 00:48:12,440 - Okay. - Okay. 974 00:48:12,556 --> 00:48:14,024 - Yes. - Right here. Eleven o'clock. 975 00:48:14,266 --> 00:48:16,860 - Iced coffee. - Handsome, but doesn't know it. 976 00:48:17,395 --> 00:48:20,444 Staring at a tree, which means he's actually in the park for nature 977 00:48:20,523 --> 00:48:22,116 and not to watch women sunbathe. 978 00:48:22,274 --> 00:48:23,867 - Or he's retarded. - Don't care. 979 00:48:23,943 --> 00:48:25,069 I'm going in. 980 00:48:31,909 --> 00:48:33,377 - Excuse me. - Yes? 981 00:48:33,869 --> 00:48:34,961 - Hi. - Hello. 982 00:48:35,454 --> 00:48:36,751 I'm Jamie. 983 00:48:38,374 --> 00:48:39,626 Yeah. Yeah, that works. 984 00:48:41,377 --> 00:48:42,629 Hi. 985 00:48:45,089 --> 00:48:46,136 Okay. 986 00:48:46,298 --> 00:48:47,390 - Nice to meet you. - Oh, my God! 987 00:48:52,138 --> 00:48:56,894 Okay. His name is Parker. He's a children's oncologist. 988 00:48:58,144 --> 00:48:59,817 And I have a date this Saturday. 989 00:49:01,147 --> 00:49:02,319 - Nice. - Thank you. 990 00:49:03,149 --> 00:49:04,947 Why'd you wave to me? 991 00:49:05,484 --> 00:49:08,408 I told him you were my gay best friend, 992 00:49:08,487 --> 00:49:10,239 so he wants to set you up with his brother. 993 00:49:12,992 --> 00:49:16,792 College, med school, and I haven't slept since. 994 00:49:17,204 --> 00:49:19,206 I can't believe you actually cure cancer. 995 00:49:19,665 --> 00:49:21,542 Well, me and God. 996 00:49:22,376 --> 00:49:23,844 - What? - I'm kidding. 997 00:49:24,170 --> 00:49:26,673 Can you imagine someone who would actually say that? 998 00:49:26,797 --> 00:49:28,845 Yeah, I could. I've been out with a lot of them. 999 00:49:29,049 --> 00:49:30,676 - Cancer doctors? - No, assholes. 1000 00:49:31,343 --> 00:49:32,390 Yeah. 1001 00:49:32,511 --> 00:49:33,683 Well, hopefully you're all done with that. 1002 00:49:34,847 --> 00:49:38,351 Although, I gotta warn you, lot of cancer doctors, big assholes. 1003 00:49:38,476 --> 00:49:39,477 - Really? - Yeah. 1004 00:49:39,560 --> 00:49:42,484 And brain surgeons, huge perverts. 1005 00:49:42,730 --> 00:49:45,404 While they're doing this, a little bit of that. 1006 00:49:47,026 --> 00:49:48,027 Hey. 1007 00:49:49,403 --> 00:49:50,700 Thank you. 1008 00:49:51,489 --> 00:49:52,581 When can I see you again? 1009 00:49:56,702 --> 00:49:57,703 Right now. 1010 00:49:59,205 --> 00:50:00,582 - I'm just kidding. - Okay. 1011 00:50:00,706 --> 00:50:02,379 Can you imagine someone who would actually say that? 1012 00:50:03,209 --> 00:50:04,711 I played the tuba in high school. 1013 00:50:04,919 --> 00:50:07,047 World's stupidest instrument. 1014 00:50:07,379 --> 00:50:09,097 Especially when you move eight times. 1015 00:50:09,256 --> 00:50:12,886 - Why'd you move? - My mom really likes to break up with guys, 1016 00:50:13,052 --> 00:50:14,429 and she was really good at it. 1017 00:50:14,595 --> 00:50:16,848 - Was your dad one of them? - No, no, he was long before that. 1018 00:50:17,264 --> 00:50:18,561 I actually never knew my dad. 1019 00:50:18,891 --> 00:50:20,268 I'm sorry. That sucks. 1020 00:50:23,229 --> 00:50:25,573 All right, look, I think I should probably tell you something. 1021 00:50:25,731 --> 00:50:27,199 Please don't tell me you're a dude. 1022 00:50:27,274 --> 00:50:29,527 Because that'll be like the third time since I moved here, 1023 00:50:29,610 --> 00:50:31,237 and I don't think I can handle that. 1024 00:50:31,529 --> 00:50:32,576 I have a five-date rule. 1025 00:50:33,405 --> 00:50:36,079 - You know, like, five dates before we... - Yeah. 1026 00:50:36,283 --> 00:50:38,957 I saw it in a movie. I thought I'd give it a try. 1027 00:50:40,246 --> 00:50:41,293 You're worth waiting for. 1028 00:50:42,414 --> 00:50:44,257 I'm sure that was the line in the movie you saw. 1029 00:50:45,960 --> 00:50:47,086 That's awesome. 1030 00:50:47,253 --> 00:50:50,052 This four-year-old that I've been working on for the last couple months, 1031 00:50:50,256 --> 00:50:51,303 he's gonna be fine. 1032 00:50:51,590 --> 00:50:52,762 - That's great. - Yeah. 1033 00:50:53,592 --> 00:50:55,219 How is a guy like you single? 1034 00:50:55,302 --> 00:50:58,306 I've just been waiting for someone to come up to me in the park 1035 00:50:58,597 --> 00:51:00,941 and compliment me for looking at the trees and not the sunbathers. 1036 00:51:01,058 --> 00:51:02,435 I meant it. It was impressive. 1037 00:51:02,560 --> 00:51:04,562 Actually, if I'm gonna be completely honest with you, 1038 00:51:04,645 --> 00:51:06,363 I was sleeping standing up. 1039 00:51:06,438 --> 00:51:09,567 I worked 36 hours straight. I don't even know how I got to the park. 1040 00:51:10,484 --> 00:51:11,827 How is a girl like you single? 1041 00:51:13,779 --> 00:51:14,905 I have issues. 1042 00:51:15,114 --> 00:51:16,661 One might even call me damaged. 1043 00:51:16,991 --> 00:51:18,493 Actually, one did call me damaged. 1044 00:51:18,617 --> 00:51:19,743 Get out of here. Damaged how? 1045 00:51:20,452 --> 00:51:21,669 I kind of believe in true love. 1046 00:51:22,329 --> 00:51:24,923 That there might be a Prince Charming out there for me. 1047 00:51:30,254 --> 00:51:35,226 Listen, I know this is probably a no because all you do is work like a dull boy, 1048 00:51:35,301 --> 00:51:37,645 but would you like to come get a beer? 1049 00:51:37,761 --> 00:51:38,762 I'm good. 1050 00:51:38,846 --> 00:51:40,598 No, it's not a gay bar. 1051 00:51:40,681 --> 00:51:44,652 And there'll be just as many hot girls as hot guys. 1052 00:51:46,437 --> 00:51:49,031 You know what? I will come out. 1053 00:51:49,189 --> 00:51:51,942 All right. Let's find you a lady. 1054 00:51:52,985 --> 00:51:54,111 You're still not gay, right? 1055 00:51:54,194 --> 00:51:55,491 - Nope. - Okay. 1056 00:52:01,327 --> 00:52:03,000 - What? - Do you know what today is? 1057 00:52:04,038 --> 00:52:06,336 - Date number five. - I wasn't even counting. 1058 00:52:11,670 --> 00:52:14,640 - Wanna go in the bedroom? - No. Here's fine. 1059 00:52:20,846 --> 00:52:23,190 I am so glad I met you tonight. 1060 00:52:23,807 --> 00:52:25,229 Me, too. 1061 00:52:29,063 --> 00:52:31,031 What are you thinking? 1062 00:52:31,857 --> 00:52:34,155 Just how great you are. 1063 00:52:45,746 --> 00:52:47,168 Annie, hey. 1064 00:52:47,247 --> 00:52:49,591 Who the fuck is Annie? 1065 00:52:49,708 --> 00:52:50,925 My sister. 1066 00:52:51,043 --> 00:52:53,045 Better be. I'll cut her. 1067 00:52:55,547 --> 00:52:56,719 Of course I'm coming. 1068 00:52:57,049 --> 00:53:01,225 Yeah, I'm taking the 4th off, so I'll be there for three days. 1069 00:53:11,897 --> 00:53:13,524 Yeah. How's Dad? 1070 00:53:14,024 --> 00:53:15,401 Any worse? 1071 00:53:16,193 --> 00:53:17,866 All right, tell him I said hi. 1072 00:53:18,737 --> 00:53:20,239 Bye, Banannie. 1073 00:53:23,909 --> 00:53:26,253 I want you to meet my parents. 1074 00:53:26,870 --> 00:53:28,793 No, you... Really? 1075 00:53:36,296 --> 00:53:37,593 God! 1076 00:53:55,899 --> 00:53:57,993 Hey. Hold on, hold on. 1077 00:53:58,610 --> 00:54:01,238 No, just hold on. Just give me a second. 1078 00:54:01,321 --> 00:54:04,120 I gotta go find a place to talk. Okay. 1079 00:54:06,410 --> 00:54:08,458 Shit. Shit. Just hold Oh. 1080 00:54:08,579 --> 00:54:09,751 - Oh, sorry. - Hold on. 1081 00:54:09,830 --> 00:54:11,423 I was out pretty late last night. 1082 00:54:11,749 --> 00:54:14,673 When I got in, you and your girlfriend were on the couch 1083 00:54:14,793 --> 00:54:16,340 so I just crashed in your bed. 1084 00:54:16,462 --> 00:54:18,135 - He's not a girl. - He smells like a girl. 1085 00:54:18,297 --> 00:54:20,516 - You smelled him? - I wanna buy marshmallows. 1086 00:54:20,632 --> 00:54:23,226 - What did you say? - For Montauk this weekend. 1087 00:54:23,302 --> 00:54:26,101 I wanna do a campfire, like when you were little. 1088 00:54:26,180 --> 00:54:27,272 Okay. 1089 00:54:27,347 --> 00:54:30,317 - And then we're gonna look for sticks. - I hear you. Sticks. 1090 00:54:30,434 --> 00:54:33,313 And then we're gonna sing. We're gonna... 1091 00:54:33,479 --> 00:54:35,447 Just hold on a second. 1092 00:54:36,440 --> 00:54:37,612 Okay. 1093 00:54:39,693 --> 00:54:40,865 Okay. 1094 00:54:45,866 --> 00:54:47,083 What's up? 1095 00:54:47,159 --> 00:54:49,127 Do you think guys care more about global warming 1096 00:54:49,203 --> 00:54:51,626 or how to wear white pants to a cookout? 1097 00:54:51,705 --> 00:54:52,831 We/I, that depends. 1098 00:54:52,956 --> 00:54:55,630 Do you have a hot model in a bikini standing on an icecap? 1099 00:54:55,709 --> 00:54:57,427 No. Ski slope. 1100 00:54:57,503 --> 00:54:59,471 I'd still go with pants to a cookout. 1101 00:54:59,630 --> 00:55:01,177 Yeah, me, too. 1102 00:55:01,715 --> 00:55:04,514 How's your boy Parker? Still staring at trees? 1103 00:55:04,635 --> 00:55:06,888 Two coffees. Yeah, he's still looking up at trees, 1104 00:55:07,012 --> 00:55:09,231 but this time it's actually in my apartment. 1105 00:55:09,348 --> 00:55:11,726 - It's the fifth date already? - Maybe. Thank you. 1106 00:55:11,850 --> 00:55:14,569 Did you guys "fifth-date""? 1107 00:55:14,686 --> 00:55:18,361 - How dare you! A lady never tells. - I know. That's why I'm asking you. 1108 00:55:21,902 --> 00:55:24,746 Hey. I gotta go. You have a great trip in LA and call me when you land. 1109 00:55:25,072 --> 00:55:26,198 Okay. 1110 00:55:26,323 --> 00:55:27,745 Parker. 1111 00:55:28,408 --> 00:55:29,705 Hey. 1112 00:55:30,994 --> 00:55:33,838 I got us coffees. Nonfat, one sugar, one Splenda. 1113 00:55:34,414 --> 00:55:36,041 - I gotta get going. - What? 1114 00:55:36,166 --> 00:55:37,418 I thought you weren't on call today. 1115 00:55:37,543 --> 00:55:40,843 I'm not, but I got that thing... I got stuff. 1116 00:55:40,921 --> 00:55:42,548 This... They just called me. 1117 00:55:44,550 --> 00:55:46,518 - Really? - Yeah. 1118 00:55:46,677 --> 00:55:49,897 The sneak-out. How incredibly cliché of you. 1119 00:55:50,013 --> 00:55:51,390 I just... 1120 00:55:52,266 --> 00:55:54,268 I don't think I can be your Prince Charming. 1121 00:55:54,393 --> 00:55:57,237 God, you totally didn't get anything that I was saying, did you? 1122 00:55:57,354 --> 00:56:00,699 - No, no, no. I think you're great. - Yeah, you, too. 1123 00:56:01,024 --> 00:56:02,697 Hey, you know what? You and I should stay friends. 1124 00:56:02,776 --> 00:56:04,778 - Really? - No, go fuck yourself. 1125 00:56:15,747 --> 00:56:17,090 Who sleeps standing up? 1126 00:56:17,583 --> 00:56:18,755 You know, you'd be really proud of me. 1127 00:56:18,876 --> 00:56:20,844 I didn't even blink when I told him to go fuck himself. 1128 00:56:20,919 --> 00:56:24,594 - You did just then, though. - This does not count. I'm not in the moment. 1129 00:56:25,215 --> 00:56:26,888 I don't know, maybe I suck in bed. 1130 00:56:26,967 --> 00:56:28,310 Trust me, you don't suck in bed. 1131 00:56:29,094 --> 00:56:30,937 - Thank you. - So needy. 1132 00:56:31,054 --> 00:56:32,681 Hey, maybe the guy's married or something. 1133 00:56:32,764 --> 00:56:34,607 No, did a background check at work. 1134 00:56:34,725 --> 00:56:37,820 Single, no criminal history, credit report 720. 1135 00:56:37,936 --> 00:56:39,529 Background check. Did you do one on me? 1136 00:56:39,605 --> 00:56:41,824 How could you possibly max out an Old Navy card? 1137 00:56:41,940 --> 00:56:44,113 After college I was really into cargo pants. 1138 00:56:45,819 --> 00:56:47,662 Dylan, I gotta stop thinking it's not me. 1139 00:56:47,779 --> 00:56:50,032 - I mean, it's gotta be me. - It's not you. 1140 00:56:50,115 --> 00:56:51,367 Nothing is wrong with you. 1141 00:56:51,450 --> 00:56:53,452 He's a guy. You gave him a five-date challenge, 1142 00:56:53,577 --> 00:56:55,955 he got you and cutout. Forget the douche. 1143 00:56:56,079 --> 00:56:58,502 He's a dick. He's a dick-douche. 1144 00:56:59,666 --> 00:57:01,168 Go have fun with your mom. 1145 00:57:01,668 --> 00:57:04,842 - Okay. - Almost forgot. I got you something. 1146 00:57:12,471 --> 00:57:15,145 It's Lieutenant Kali, the street artist we talked about. 1147 00:57:15,307 --> 00:57:17,810 I got him to do something for you. "F-tale." Fairytale. 1148 00:57:18,477 --> 00:57:21,651 - I know you're into that girly shit, so... - This is so cool. 1149 00:57:22,773 --> 00:57:24,741 Dylan, that's actually really sweet. 1150 00:57:24,816 --> 00:57:26,818 - It's cool, right? - Yeah. Thank you. 1151 00:57:28,654 --> 00:57:30,327 Hey, I'm gonna need to borrow cab fare. 1152 00:57:31,490 --> 00:57:33,663 I'm not taking that thing on the subway. I don't wanna get rolled. 1153 00:57:33,784 --> 00:57:34,876 No problem. 1154 00:57:34,993 --> 00:57:36,995 As long as you get your feet off my bed. They're disgusting. 1155 00:57:39,289 --> 00:57:40,381 What are you doing? 1156 00:57:40,499 --> 00:57:41,796 Why are you doing that? Why are you doing that? 1157 00:57:42,334 --> 00:57:44,211 You're an animal. Stop doing that. An animal. Stop. 1158 00:57:48,340 --> 00:57:49,808 Hey, Ma. 1159 00:57:51,134 --> 00:57:53,557 Ma. Come on, we gotta get on the road. 1160 00:57:54,012 --> 00:57:55,355 Come on. 1161 00:57:55,472 --> 00:57:56,894 Ma? 1162 00:58:15,534 --> 00:58:17,411 Why did I think that this time would be any different? 1163 00:58:17,536 --> 00:58:19,163 - Come with me to LA. - What? 1164 00:58:19,246 --> 00:58:21,965 What else are you gonna do? It's 4th of July, everybody's left the city. 1165 00:58:22,040 --> 00:58:23,792 You're very sweet for asking, but it's fine. 1166 00:58:23,875 --> 00:58:25,548 You know what, I'll just stay here. I'll be fine alone. 1167 00:58:25,669 --> 00:58:27,888 I know you'll be fine alone. You're not a baby in a hot car. 1168 00:58:28,880 --> 00:58:30,723 I'm actually asking you to come because it would help me. 1169 00:58:31,049 --> 00:58:32,767 You'd be a great distraction for my family. 1170 00:58:32,884 --> 00:58:35,057 They'd forget all about drilling me for being single. 1171 00:58:35,220 --> 00:58:36,392 Won't they think that we're together? 1172 00:58:36,513 --> 00:58:38,561 - Not if I tell them we're not. - And they'll believe you? 1173 00:58:38,682 --> 00:58:41,060 Yeah, we're one of these crazy families that doesn't lie to each other. 1174 00:58:41,184 --> 00:58:42,527 PBS is doing a documentary on us. 1175 00:58:42,728 --> 00:58:43,775 Come on, they'll love you. 1176 00:58:43,895 --> 00:58:46,364 All fast-talking and brusque, like I'm bringing home a carny. 1177 00:58:46,440 --> 00:58:49,535 You're really nice to ask, but I'm just gonna stay here. 1178 00:58:49,609 --> 00:58:50,861 Go to the gym. 1179 00:58:51,111 --> 00:58:54,035 I just got you a ticket with my miles, it's done. Meet me at JFK. 1180 00:58:54,114 --> 00:58:55,536 - But... - No buts. 1181 00:58:55,615 --> 00:58:58,459 - Like you were gonna go to the gym. - I wasn't. 1182 00:59:11,923 --> 00:59:13,550 LA's so nice. 1183 00:59:14,134 --> 00:59:15,977 And everyone's so genuine and level-headed. 1184 00:59:17,596 --> 00:59:20,600 Thanks for this. You're good peeps. 1185 00:59:20,766 --> 00:59:22,393 You're the good peeps, dude. 1186 00:59:22,476 --> 00:59:25,104 You haven't met my family. You don't know what you're in for. 1187 00:59:26,897 --> 00:59:28,069 Okay. 1188 00:59:28,315 --> 00:59:30,158 You know these planes pretty much land themselves? 1189 00:59:30,275 --> 00:59:33,154 Nobody cares. You sound like an asshole. 1190 00:59:34,613 --> 00:59:35,990 She's from New York. 1191 00:59:36,114 --> 00:59:37,457 I'm sorry. 1192 00:59:48,126 --> 00:59:50,424 Wow. This looks normal. 1193 00:59:50,504 --> 00:59:51,756 It is. 1194 00:59:52,631 --> 00:59:53,757 Thank you. 1195 00:59:57,969 --> 00:59:59,846 Wow, you grew up here? 1196 01:00:00,472 --> 01:00:02,474 It was my grandfather's. 1197 01:00:02,641 --> 01:00:04,268 He bought it when there was nothing else here. 1198 01:00:04,434 --> 01:00:06,653 My dad and my sister and her son live here now. 1199 01:00:08,105 --> 01:00:09,982 Why would you move to New York? 1200 01:00:10,148 --> 01:00:11,650 I was conned by some headhunter. 1201 01:00:12,818 --> 01:00:14,320 - You're here. - Sammy! 1202 01:00:14,486 --> 01:00:15,487 Hey, Uncle Dylan. 1203 01:00:15,654 --> 01:00:16,871 What's up, buddy? 1204 01:00:17,823 --> 01:00:18,915 How are you? 1205 01:00:18,990 --> 01:00:21,709 Jamie, this is my nephew, Sam the Magnificent. 1206 01:00:21,952 --> 01:00:24,580 - Hello. - May I offer you a light for your cigarette? 1207 01:00:24,663 --> 01:00:26,336 I'm sorry, I don't smoke. 1208 01:00:26,456 --> 01:00:28,254 Just pretend. He's a magician. 1209 01:00:28,333 --> 01:00:31,212 Of course I'll have a cigarette. Smoking is great for you. 1210 01:00:34,506 --> 01:00:38,886 - Wow. Thank you, good sir. - My pleasure, my lady. 1211 01:00:39,803 --> 01:00:41,146 Oh, my God. I got it, I got it. 1212 01:00:41,221 --> 01:00:43,394 Sammy. I got it, I got it. Just stay still. I got it, I got it. 1213 01:00:43,515 --> 01:00:45,142 Sammy! Are you okay? 1214 01:00:45,225 --> 01:00:46,477 All part of the illusion. 1215 01:00:46,560 --> 01:00:48,187 - Jet Skis later? - Definitely. 1216 01:00:49,229 --> 01:00:50,446 Still into magic, huh? 1217 01:00:50,522 --> 01:00:53,696 Yep. But I'll take that over him sexting his friends any day. 1218 01:00:54,526 --> 01:00:56,745 - Dilbert! - Banannie. 1219 01:00:58,071 --> 01:01:00,574 Jamie, this is my sister, Annie. 1220 01:01:00,699 --> 01:01:02,121 - Hi. - Thank you for having me. 1221 01:01:02,200 --> 01:01:04,168 Oh, please. It's nice to have Dylan bring a girl home. 1222 01:01:04,244 --> 01:01:05,837 - We're just friends. - Oh, no, I know. 1223 01:01:05,912 --> 01:01:08,085 If you were his girlfriend, he never would've brought you here. 1224 01:01:08,206 --> 01:01:10,880 - This one has intimacy issues. - I know. 1225 01:01:11,042 --> 01:01:12,089 - Dylan. - Dad. 1226 01:01:12,210 --> 01:01:13,837 - Dylan. Oh, man. - Hey. 1227 01:01:13,920 --> 01:01:16,298 - How you doing, buddy? - I'm good. 1228 01:01:16,381 --> 01:01:18,349 I miss you guys, but I'm good. 1229 01:01:19,593 --> 01:01:20,765 Dede Spencer? 1230 01:01:21,219 --> 01:01:23,096 Jamie. Dylan's friend. 1231 01:01:25,265 --> 01:01:27,017 - I'm sorry. I... - That's okay. 1232 01:01:27,100 --> 01:01:29,068 No, for a minute you reminded me of a girl I used to know. 1233 01:01:29,227 --> 01:01:31,571 - No, that's okay. It happens. - Nice to meet you. 1234 01:01:31,688 --> 01:01:33,782 Pleasure meeting you. You have a beautiful house. 1235 01:01:33,899 --> 01:01:34,900 Thank you. 1236 01:01:35,192 --> 01:01:38,366 Pool's a little cold, but it's very expensive to heat, so... 1237 01:01:39,404 --> 01:01:41,406 I think I'm gonna goin and check the tide tables 1238 01:01:41,531 --> 01:01:43,124 'cause I'm gonna take the boat out early in the morning. 1239 01:01:43,241 --> 01:01:44,743 - You should come. - I would love to. 1240 01:01:44,868 --> 01:01:46,461 We sold the boat. 1241 01:01:46,578 --> 01:01:48,580 The doctor doesn't want you driving the boat any more. 1242 01:01:50,874 --> 01:01:52,751 - Turning to mush. - No. 1243 01:01:54,377 --> 01:01:56,596 It's good to see you, buddy. 1244 01:01:56,755 --> 01:01:58,382 - Nice to meet you. - It was nice meeting you, too. 1245 01:01:58,465 --> 01:02:00,217 - Jamie. See? - Yes. 1246 01:02:05,222 --> 01:02:08,066 - What's with the pants? - He doesn't like them any more. 1247 01:02:08,266 --> 01:02:10,109 He's getting worse. 1248 01:02:10,477 --> 01:02:12,229 It's so good to have you here. 1249 01:02:13,438 --> 01:02:14,485 Go show her the beach. 1250 01:02:15,941 --> 01:02:17,989 - Let me show you the beach. Come on. - Okay. 1251 01:02:18,109 --> 01:02:20,953 - Go, get sandy. Get all messed up. - Okay. 1252 01:02:36,503 --> 01:02:38,551 Dylan never told me about your dad. 1253 01:02:38,630 --> 01:02:41,349 Yeah, it's been tough on him. They were real close. 1254 01:02:42,008 --> 01:02:43,885 Dylan doesn't quite know how to deal with the Alzheimer's. 1255 01:02:43,969 --> 01:02:45,186 I'm sorry. 1256 01:02:45,303 --> 01:02:47,897 He'll be his regular old self and everything seems fine, 1257 01:02:47,973 --> 01:02:50,647 and then just in a flash, he's gone. 1258 01:02:52,602 --> 01:02:55,105 - That's Dylan when he was nine. - Are those braids? 1259 01:02:55,355 --> 01:02:57,983 He was going through a Kris Kross phase. Remember them? 1260 01:03:03,446 --> 01:03:06,199 - Is that your mom? - No, that's Dylan's speech therapist. 1261 01:03:07,325 --> 01:03:10,295 He had a stutter. It got real bad when he was nervous. 1262 01:03:10,537 --> 01:03:12,005 He had a rough childhood. 1263 01:03:12,163 --> 01:03:15,167 - His math tutor called it "character-building." - Math tutor? 1264 01:03:15,292 --> 01:03:19,138 No, we're talking, like, 8 times 6 equals 1,200. 1265 01:03:19,212 --> 01:03:21,306 But he's very visual, thank God. 1266 01:03:21,548 --> 01:03:26,054 - Can you please explain to me this photo? - That is my 12th-birthday surprise party. 1267 01:03:26,177 --> 01:03:28,225 - Hey. - Amazing moment. 1268 01:03:28,346 --> 01:03:30,064 I'm exhausted. I'm gonna go to bed. 1269 01:03:30,181 --> 01:03:33,230 - Jamie, you all good with your room? - Yeah. No, it's perfect. 1270 01:03:33,643 --> 01:03:35,395 Thank you. Thank you for everything. 1271 01:03:40,191 --> 01:03:43,411 Sammy and I built a saw-a-girl-in-half box, so just be careful on your way to bed. 1272 01:03:43,528 --> 01:03:46,657 - He's not using a real saw, is he? - Of course he is. He's magnificent. 1273 01:03:47,157 --> 01:03:50,536 I'll make sure he brushes his teeth, and you, don't believe anything she says. 1274 01:03:50,660 --> 01:03:52,162 She's a liar. 1275 01:03:53,204 --> 01:03:55,673 - He's a pretty special guy. - Yeah, I think so. 1276 01:03:58,418 --> 01:04:00,386 - Jamie. Hey. - Hey. 1277 01:04:00,712 --> 01:04:01,884 - You up? - Yeah. Come in. 1278 01:04:04,841 --> 01:04:06,639 - I thought you were going to bed. - I was. 1279 01:04:06,718 --> 01:04:09,392 But then I realized we were both single again, so... 1280 01:04:13,099 --> 01:04:14,726 - Dude, no. - Why not? 1281 01:04:14,851 --> 01:04:16,728 I washed my hands. With soap this time. 1282 01:04:16,895 --> 01:04:18,772 Are you serious? Why would you just assume? 1283 01:04:18,938 --> 01:04:22,613 You cracked your neck on the porch. This thing. That's your tell, remember? 1284 01:04:22,776 --> 01:04:26,076 I cracked my neck because we were on a flight for six hours, 1285 01:04:26,738 --> 01:04:29,617 and you were yapping my ear off about how planes all fly themselves, 1286 01:04:29,741 --> 01:04:31,243 and it actually kinked my neck a bit. 1287 01:04:31,368 --> 01:04:34,087 - So, no? - No. Not having sex with you. 1288 01:04:34,204 --> 01:04:36,457 Is it your special time? They have an app for that. No, wait. 1289 01:04:39,417 --> 01:04:41,385 - Nope, you're good to go. - We talked about this. 1290 01:04:41,461 --> 01:04:44,135 - Plus, I just got dumped, so... - Okay, I'm sorry. 1291 01:04:44,255 --> 01:04:46,553 I thought this would be a good way to take your mind off him. 1292 01:04:46,633 --> 01:04:48,761 No, I don't function that way. Sex is not gonna help. 1293 01:04:49,219 --> 01:04:51,347 But you know what will? Emotional support. 1294 01:04:51,429 --> 01:04:54,308 Before we were sex without emotion, and now we're emotion without sex. 1295 01:04:54,432 --> 01:04:55,854 Exactly. 1296 01:04:55,934 --> 01:04:57,777 I just need you to be my friend right now. 1297 01:04:57,894 --> 01:04:59,942 Okay. So I'll listen to you while you give me a hand job. 1298 01:05:00,230 --> 01:05:02,574 - No. - I'm kidding. I got it. Good night. 1299 01:05:02,816 --> 01:05:06,821 Wait, hold on! Friends can still hang out and, I don't know, listen to music. 1300 01:05:07,070 --> 01:05:08,117 Listen to music? 1301 01:05:10,156 --> 01:05:11,282 I'm gonna kill Annie. 1302 01:05:12,117 --> 01:05:15,121 - I can't believe you used to like them. - I didn't like these guys. 1303 01:05:15,245 --> 01:05:16,292 I don't even remember... 1304 01:05:28,967 --> 01:05:31,311 And then there's something, I don't know what he says right there... 1305 01:05:33,805 --> 01:05:36,354 Are you kidding me? These dudes were da bomb. 1306 01:05:36,474 --> 01:05:38,351 Everybody had Girbauds, we all wore them backwards. 1307 01:05:38,476 --> 01:05:39,477 The baseball jerseys. 1308 01:05:41,312 --> 01:05:43,314 I went as Kris Kross three years in a row for Halloween. 1309 01:05:43,440 --> 01:05:45,613 - Oh, you poor kid. - I'm not proud of it. 1310 01:05:45,859 --> 01:05:49,489 Hey, I borrowed one of your books. I hope that's okay. 1311 01:05:53,032 --> 01:05:54,329 Like this. 1312 01:05:56,786 --> 01:05:57,833 No. 1313 01:06:06,546 --> 01:06:07,672 Surprise! 1314 01:06:11,384 --> 01:06:14,684 Have you really never brought a girl home before? 1315 01:06:14,888 --> 01:06:16,686 I brought you here. 1316 01:06:16,806 --> 01:06:19,980 I mean like a real girl. Not a friend. 1317 01:06:20,852 --> 01:06:22,854 - A real girl? - Yeah. 1318 01:06:24,147 --> 01:06:25,569 I guess not. 1319 01:06:25,690 --> 01:06:28,364 - Separation of church and state. - Ah, yes. 1320 01:06:28,526 --> 01:06:32,030 Build up as many walls as possible. That's really healthy. 1321 01:06:32,155 --> 01:06:34,249 - What, are you talking to me about walls? - Yeah. 1322 01:06:34,365 --> 01:06:36,584 What about you and your mom? 1323 01:06:36,743 --> 01:06:39,713 You couldn't get me out of there fast enough when she walked in on us. 1324 01:06:39,871 --> 01:06:41,999 That was for your own protection. Okay? 1325 01:06:42,081 --> 01:06:45,927 I'm just surprised she didn't try to slip you her number or something. 1326 01:06:46,044 --> 01:06:48,217 She did. She put it in my phone. 1327 01:06:48,338 --> 01:06:50,432 - Under "MILF." - Oh, my God. 1328 01:06:50,548 --> 01:06:53,222 It's cool, we only hooked up, like, twice. 1329 01:06:54,844 --> 01:06:57,142 I'm starting to get a mental image. 1330 01:06:57,222 --> 01:06:58,474 Well, I have a video image. 1331 01:06:58,556 --> 01:07:01,730 No. Just stop it. Just stop it. 1332 01:07:04,354 --> 01:07:06,402 Just wrong. 1333 01:07:09,734 --> 01:07:10,906 What? 1334 01:07:12,445 --> 01:07:14,743 Nothing. Just glad I met you. 1335 01:07:17,200 --> 01:07:20,249 Yeah, well, knowing you doesn't suck either. 1336 01:07:38,096 --> 01:07:41,270 - But I thought you said... - I know what I said. 1337 01:09:18,446 --> 01:09:19,538 God. 1338 01:09:44,430 --> 01:09:46,603 Lasorda was a good pitcher, but he was an even better manager. 1339 01:09:46,724 --> 01:09:49,193 - Wrecking Crew? - I wasn't saying he's not a great manager. 1340 01:09:49,268 --> 01:09:51,020 He's underappreciated as a pitcher, that's all I'm saying. 1341 01:09:51,104 --> 01:09:52,447 We get it. Guys. 1342 01:09:52,563 --> 01:09:53,655 - Hi. - Morning. 1343 01:09:53,731 --> 01:09:57,235 - Good morning. - Is it always this beautiful out here? 1344 01:09:57,735 --> 01:10:00,614 Well, in between the fires and the floods, we get about 10 good days. 1345 01:10:01,239 --> 01:10:03,492 No, no. Here. You two sit together. 1346 01:10:03,574 --> 01:10:04,951 - Are you sure? - Oh, yeah, no, no. 1347 01:10:05,076 --> 01:10:07,750 - You don't have to do that, Dad. - I know. I wanna look at the boat. 1348 01:10:07,829 --> 01:10:09,581 I love that boat. 1349 01:10:09,914 --> 01:10:11,757 - Here. Sorry. - Great. Thanks. 1350 01:10:12,125 --> 01:10:13,297 Here. 1351 01:10:14,127 --> 01:10:16,801 Thank you. This... Okay. 1352 01:10:18,423 --> 01:10:20,517 - Coffee, my lady? - Yes, please. 1353 01:10:21,509 --> 01:10:22,931 Thank you. 1354 01:10:24,637 --> 01:10:27,186 - All right, man! - Look at you! 1355 01:10:27,432 --> 01:10:30,561 - That's pretty impressive. - Yay, Sammy! 1356 01:10:30,643 --> 01:10:32,316 All right! 1357 01:10:32,645 --> 01:10:36,445 Oh, buddy. Your shirt's leaking. Oh, no, that's... 1358 01:10:36,524 --> 01:10:37,650 Apologies. 1359 01:10:42,363 --> 01:10:43,535 Here. 1360 01:10:48,119 --> 01:10:49,792 - You okay? - Yeah. 1361 01:10:50,705 --> 01:10:52,127 - You? - Yeah. 1362 01:11:04,552 --> 01:11:06,805 - See them, Sammy? - Yeah. 1363 01:11:08,639 --> 01:11:10,641 - Pretty cool, huh? - Yeah. 1364 01:11:11,559 --> 01:11:13,402 God, it's nice. 1365 01:11:13,478 --> 01:11:17,733 I do miss the mornings out here. Right before it burns off, it really is beautiful. 1366 01:11:17,982 --> 01:11:19,199 I like Jamie. 1367 01:11:21,819 --> 01:11:23,662 And she's pretty, too. 1368 01:11:23,821 --> 01:11:26,495 Hey, easy, dude. Don't you go casting a spell on her. 1369 01:11:26,824 --> 01:11:30,499 I'm a magician, not a wizard. You and your gay Harry Potter. 1370 01:11:30,995 --> 01:11:33,544 You can't deny that going to Hogwarts wouldn't be life-changing. 1371 01:11:34,665 --> 01:11:37,168 - I miss you. - I miss you, too, bud. 1372 01:11:38,169 --> 01:11:41,013 Mom misses you. And so does Grandpa. 1373 01:11:43,007 --> 01:11:44,179 Does he say anything? 1374 01:11:44,509 --> 01:11:47,353 No. But sometimes he calls me Dylan. 1375 01:11:50,223 --> 01:11:51,850 He said that he didn't want the job. 1376 01:11:51,933 --> 01:11:54,686 That he was just coming to New York to explore his options. 1377 01:11:54,936 --> 01:11:56,108 What a crock of gas. 1378 01:11:57,104 --> 01:11:59,198 You fly across the country to explore your options? 1379 01:11:59,273 --> 01:12:00,695 Please. I don't think so. 1380 01:12:00,775 --> 01:12:04,405 Exactly! Please, I knew I had him the second he got off that plane. 1381 01:12:04,570 --> 01:12:05,787 - Oh, did you, now? - Yeah. 1382 01:12:05,863 --> 01:12:08,457 Was that the same second you leapt onto the baggage carousel barefoot 1383 01:12:08,533 --> 01:12:09,876 and acted out a scene from Will and Grace? 1384 01:12:10,535 --> 01:12:12,412 - She did? - Oh, yeah, you should have seen her. 1385 01:12:12,537 --> 01:12:13,880 "Look at me, I'm goofy but cute." 1386 01:12:13,955 --> 01:12:15,502 You know what? It was all part of my plan. 1387 01:12:15,581 --> 01:12:16,753 Quite a plan. 1388 01:12:16,874 --> 01:12:18,342 Did you major in Planning at Headhunting College? 1389 01:12:18,417 --> 01:12:20,761 - So clever. - It's not a real college, by the way, buddy. 1390 01:12:20,878 --> 01:12:23,927 You guys bicker like you're an old married couple. 1391 01:12:24,215 --> 01:12:25,512 Here, pick a card, my lady. 1392 01:12:25,591 --> 01:12:26,763 Okay. 1393 01:12:26,884 --> 01:12:28,852 Oh, no, not that one. The one on top. 1394 01:12:28,928 --> 01:12:31,101 - This is a good one. - So... 1395 01:12:31,222 --> 01:12:32,394 - Yeah? - Shuffle. 1396 01:12:32,557 --> 01:12:34,480 Did you get her an engagement gift? 1397 01:12:34,892 --> 01:12:37,486 We're not engaged, Dad. We're not together. We're just friends. 1398 01:12:37,562 --> 01:12:41,738 All right, you don't wanna label it. I understand. But get her some jewelry. 1399 01:12:42,733 --> 01:12:44,110 The only thing your mom loves is jewelry. 1400 01:12:44,235 --> 01:12:47,739 I don't care how upset she is, I get her jewelry, she lights right up. 1401 01:12:48,114 --> 01:12:49,286 Where is she, anyway? 1402 01:12:50,616 --> 01:12:53,790 - She's not here, Dad. - I know, that's why I asked. Where is she? 1403 01:12:56,122 --> 01:12:58,295 - She's not coming. - Why not? 1404 01:12:58,833 --> 01:13:01,586 She doesn't live with you any more, Pop. You're not married. 1405 01:13:02,336 --> 01:13:04,964 - What? - She left about 10 years ago. 1406 01:13:05,089 --> 01:13:06,181 I don't understand. 1407 01:13:06,591 --> 01:13:08,468 She divorced you, Dad. 1408 01:13:11,596 --> 01:13:12,939 - I have to call her. - Dad, you can't. 1409 01:13:13,014 --> 01:13:14,436 Stop telling me what to do. 1410 01:13:15,808 --> 01:13:17,276 Get your... 1411 01:13:20,938 --> 01:13:22,190 Grandpa! 1412 01:13:22,440 --> 01:13:23,737 Dylan, get... 1413 01:13:23,816 --> 01:13:25,193 - You okay, Dad? - I'm fine, I'm fine. 1414 01:13:25,276 --> 01:13:27,699 - Here, let me help you up. - No, don't. Don't! 1415 01:14:00,019 --> 01:14:01,487 Here we are. 1416 01:14:02,563 --> 01:14:04,861 This is beautiful. 1417 01:14:04,982 --> 01:14:07,735 Yeah, this is where I used to come to think. My rooftop. 1418 01:14:07,818 --> 01:14:09,320 Okay, how high do you think that fence is? 1419 01:14:09,487 --> 01:14:10,989 I'm a little over 6 foot. 1420 01:14:11,155 --> 01:14:14,409 Looks like it's about three of me. So six times three... 1421 01:14:15,493 --> 01:14:17,166 Ninety-two feet. 1422 01:14:17,662 --> 01:14:21,041 - Ninety-two feet. That's really tall, right? - Yeah. 1423 01:14:21,999 --> 01:14:25,503 But they don't want you to get up there, so I guess that makes sense. 1424 01:14:25,586 --> 01:14:29,341 - Wait. Six times three... - Oh, God, you poor kid. 1425 01:14:30,216 --> 01:14:32,059 - What's up? - Come on. 1426 01:14:32,510 --> 01:14:34,057 What? What? Where are you going? 1427 01:14:34,679 --> 01:14:37,398 Jamie, no, no, no, no, no, wait. They take this shit seriously, okay? 1428 01:14:37,515 --> 01:14:38,516 Look at all the cameras. 1429 01:14:38,599 --> 01:14:41,978 This is the only landmark this city has other than the Scientology Center. 1430 01:14:42,061 --> 01:14:45,156 And if any of these cameras are hooked up to the actual Scientology Center, 1431 01:14:45,231 --> 01:14:47,108 that was an inappropriate joke and I apologize. 1432 01:14:47,191 --> 01:14:49,785 I believe in the freedom of science fiction. 1433 01:14:51,278 --> 01:14:52,951 Pussy! Oh, sorry. 1434 01:14:53,030 --> 01:14:54,077 Pussy! 1435 01:14:54,448 --> 01:14:55,540 Come on! 1436 01:15:01,872 --> 01:15:04,671 - You really never been up here before? - No. 1437 01:15:04,750 --> 01:15:07,219 I've also never transferred heroin in my rectum, 1438 01:15:07,294 --> 01:15:09,092 'cause it's against the law. 1439 01:15:09,422 --> 01:15:13,222 You know, sometimes a simple yes or no answer is adequate. 1440 01:15:13,384 --> 01:15:15,057 Hey, why didn't you tell me about your mom? 1441 01:15:15,553 --> 01:15:17,555 She's not worth talking about. 1442 01:15:18,222 --> 01:15:19,223 That's rough. 1443 01:15:19,557 --> 01:15:20,934 So is leaving your husband and kids. 1444 01:15:22,059 --> 01:15:24,107 Yeah, you never told me about him either. 1445 01:15:24,228 --> 01:15:26,151 You know, there's a lot of stuff you didn't tell me. 1446 01:15:26,272 --> 01:15:27,819 I don't want your pity. 1447 01:15:29,316 --> 01:15:33,071 I can handle anything except that look in people's eyes. 1448 01:15:35,489 --> 01:15:38,413 - That one. - Who cares what anybody thinks? 1449 01:15:38,951 --> 01:15:42,296 He's the smartest man I've ever known. He's the only person I'd ever go to for advice. 1450 01:15:42,413 --> 01:15:43,665 He's my dad. 1451 01:15:43,789 --> 01:15:45,211 Dylan, he's still the same man. 1452 01:15:45,291 --> 01:15:46,634 When I see the way people look at him now... 1453 01:15:46,751 --> 01:15:49,925 It doesn't matter how people look at him. 1454 01:15:50,004 --> 01:15:51,256 All that matters is how you look at him. 1455 01:15:51,338 --> 01:15:54,182 Yeah, but he's walking around without his pants. Everyone's staring. 1456 01:15:54,300 --> 01:15:55,893 - So what? - It's embarrassing. 1457 01:15:55,968 --> 01:15:57,641 He needs to know that nothing has changed. 1458 01:15:57,762 --> 01:15:59,639 That he's still that same man to you. 1459 01:15:59,764 --> 01:16:01,766 Can we stop talking about this? 1460 01:16:03,309 --> 01:16:06,563 Yeah, that's really smart. Let's just not talk about our feelings. 1461 01:16:06,645 --> 01:16:07,771 I'm trying not to. 1462 01:16:09,774 --> 01:16:12,869 Come on. Is something going on here? You've been acting really weird. 1463 01:16:13,194 --> 01:16:14,946 - No, I haven't. - Yeah, you have. 1464 01:16:15,529 --> 01:16:16,826 Is this about what happened the other night? 1465 01:16:16,947 --> 01:16:19,041 What, sex? That doesn't mean anything. You know that. 1466 01:16:22,286 --> 01:16:23,333 Right. 1467 01:16:23,454 --> 01:16:25,627 - And I haven't been acting weird. - Okay. 1468 01:16:27,291 --> 01:16:29,669 - Oh, my God! - Oh, shit! 1469 01:16:29,835 --> 01:16:31,758 - I told you! - Well, I'm sorry! 1470 01:16:31,837 --> 01:16:32,884 Fuck! 1471 01:16:32,963 --> 01:16:36,058 This is the LAPD. You are trespassing. Get down from the sign. 1472 01:16:36,133 --> 01:16:37,305 We gotta jump. 1473 01:16:39,220 --> 01:16:41,643 - Dylan, jump! - I'm frozen. 1474 01:16:41,722 --> 01:16:42,814 Come on, get down! 1475 01:16:42,890 --> 01:16:44,016 Sin this is your last warning. 1476 01:16:44,141 --> 01:16:46,314 - Use the ladder! - I have a fear of heights! 1477 01:16:46,560 --> 01:16:51,316 And also helicopters! They don't make sense to me! 1478 01:16:51,398 --> 01:16:53,742 What do you mean you have a fear of heights? 1479 01:16:54,193 --> 01:16:55,615 Why would you come up here? 1480 01:16:55,694 --> 01:16:58,243 You called me a pussy! 1481 01:17:00,241 --> 01:17:02,915 A bizarre situation this afternoon in the Southland. 1482 01:17:02,993 --> 01:17:06,543 The LAPD rescued a local man from the Hollywood sign, 1483 01:17:06,997 --> 01:17:08,715 the city's only real landmark. 1484 01:17:08,833 --> 01:17:11,006 They actually wrapped you in a foil blanket! 1485 01:17:11,210 --> 01:17:12,757 Did you run a marathon before this? 1486 01:17:12,837 --> 01:17:14,384 - Okay. Give me... - No! 1487 01:17:14,505 --> 01:17:16,758 - No, no. I wanna save it. I gotta save it. - No. That's enough! 1488 01:17:16,841 --> 01:17:19,094 - Give me the remote! Shut up! - No, I wanna watch it over and over. 1489 01:17:19,176 --> 01:17:20,769 Foil wrapper... 1490 01:17:20,845 --> 01:17:22,062 Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. 1491 01:17:23,013 --> 01:17:24,765 It's okay, it'll be up on YouTube. 1492 01:17:26,058 --> 01:17:29,779 Hey, you're still good to take Dad that week I have to go to DC for Sam's class trip, right? 1493 01:17:29,854 --> 01:17:33,028 - Yeah, he's gonna stay with me in New York. - Oh, good. 1494 01:17:33,399 --> 01:17:36,118 So, when are we gonna see Jamie again? 1495 01:17:36,193 --> 01:17:37,661 I don't know. 1496 01:17:37,736 --> 01:17:40,114 What's your problem? Did you have a fight with your girlfriend? 1497 01:17:40,197 --> 01:17:42,245 She's not my girlfriend. Why don't you believe me? 1498 01:17:42,366 --> 01:17:44,710 I would believe you if you didn't lie to me. 1499 01:17:44,785 --> 01:17:46,833 I saw you creeping out of her room the other night. 1500 01:17:46,912 --> 01:17:48,960 Like you had just had sex, if you know what I mean. 1501 01:17:49,206 --> 01:17:50,958 Yes, I know what you mean, you just said it. 1502 01:17:51,041 --> 01:17:53,260 And how do you know what I look like after I have... 1503 01:17:53,377 --> 01:17:56,597 I'm not talking to you about this, okay? We're not together. 1504 01:17:57,047 --> 01:17:59,266 - Dylan. - Enough! I'm not talking about it. 1505 01:17:59,466 --> 01:18:00,718 Dylan. 1506 01:18:02,553 --> 01:18:03,975 Forgot my saw. I'll be right back. 1507 01:18:06,557 --> 01:18:09,106 I'll wait here. Don't worry about me. 1508 01:18:09,226 --> 01:18:12,400 Friends who have sex? What are you, in college? 1509 01:18:12,479 --> 01:18:14,447 - It doesn't matter, it's over. - Why? 1510 01:18:14,565 --> 01:18:16,238 Because we don't like each other like that. 1511 01:18:16,317 --> 01:18:19,287 Okay, you know what? Can we just talk about this? Sit down. 1512 01:18:19,570 --> 01:18:20,992 What more are you looking for? 1513 01:18:21,071 --> 01:18:23,073 - Who says I'm looking for anything? - Dylan. 1514 01:18:23,240 --> 01:18:26,414 - I don't know, but it's not Jamie. - Why, because you're great together? 1515 01:18:26,744 --> 01:18:28,337 Because you're actually friends with each other? 1516 01:18:28,412 --> 01:18:30,881 Because this is the happiest I have ever seen you? 1517 01:18:30,956 --> 01:18:33,835 I don't know what to tell you. She's not for me. I don't like her like that. 1518 01:18:33,918 --> 01:18:37,422 - You liked her enough to have sex with her. - It's just physical. 1519 01:18:37,504 --> 01:18:40,383 - Like playing tennis. - I don't even know what that means, Dylan. 1520 01:18:40,466 --> 01:18:43,015 I haven't seen you this dumb since you got that candy corn tattoo. 1521 01:18:43,135 --> 01:18:45,433 It's a lightning bolt! With extra powers! 1522 01:18:45,512 --> 01:18:47,606 Dylan, you can't name one thing that's wrong with her. 1523 01:18:47,765 --> 01:18:50,894 I can never go out with her. She's too fucked up. 1524 01:18:50,976 --> 01:18:52,899 Okay, she doesn't want a boyfriend. 1525 01:18:52,978 --> 01:18:54,150 She's too damaged. 1526 01:18:54,271 --> 01:18:56,319 Magnum P.l. couldn't solve the shit going on in her head. 1527 01:18:56,440 --> 01:18:58,659 Wow. You'll say anything right now 1528 01:18:58,776 --> 01:19:00,323 not to admit that you're perfect for each other. 1529 01:19:00,444 --> 01:19:02,321 - Why am I still having this conversation? - Because I'm right. 1530 01:19:02,446 --> 01:19:04,119 - Good talk, Annie. - Dylan. 1531 01:19:24,343 --> 01:19:26,391 I don't think the three-point line would have done anything. 1532 01:19:26,470 --> 01:19:28,268 - He was taller than anyone alive. - No, but it helped Kobe. 1533 01:19:28,347 --> 01:19:29,815 - Kobe Bryant is incredible. - It helped him. 1534 01:19:29,890 --> 01:19:33,269 - You're men. You like sports. You're men. - Scored 81 points. Please. 1535 01:19:33,352 --> 01:19:35,229 Hey! We were waiting for you. 1536 01:19:35,521 --> 01:19:36,943 I actually got a call from work. 1537 01:19:37,022 --> 01:19:38,740 I have to be on a red eye tonight back to New York. 1538 01:19:39,066 --> 01:19:40,488 - Tonight? - Yeah. 1539 01:19:40,859 --> 01:19:42,827 - Tomorrow's the 4th. - I know, it sucks. 1540 01:19:43,070 --> 01:19:44,367 Well, at least let me drive you to the airport. 1541 01:19:44,488 --> 01:19:47,492 No, no. It's fine. Stay. I already called a cab. It's out front. 1542 01:19:47,574 --> 01:19:49,622 But thank you guys for everything. 1543 01:19:49,702 --> 01:19:52,501 And thank you for letting me stay here. It's been pretty great. 1544 01:19:55,749 --> 01:19:56,921 - Hey. - Hey. 1545 01:19:57,001 --> 01:19:59,925 - Everything okay, buddy? - Yeah, buddy. Everything's great. 1546 01:20:00,004 --> 01:20:01,347 I just really gotta go. 1547 01:20:01,672 --> 01:20:05,302 So, thank you again. I'm sorry I gotta go. 1548 01:20:05,384 --> 01:20:07,102 - Let Dylan drive you. - Yeah. 1549 01:20:07,177 --> 01:20:10,021 - Do you wanna take some food to go? - Do you want me to saw you in half? 1550 01:20:10,180 --> 01:20:13,434 You can send your bottom part to New York and your top half can stay here. 1551 01:20:14,893 --> 01:20:17,897 Or the whole of you could stay. 1552 01:20:18,022 --> 01:20:19,740 Okay, I'm sorry. I gotta go. 1553 01:20:32,119 --> 01:20:33,541 Jamie! 1554 01:20:41,045 --> 01:20:43,594 She's gone. She hopped in the cab. 1555 01:20:50,888 --> 01:20:53,266 - We should eat. You hungry, buddy? - Yeah. 1556 01:20:53,640 --> 01:20:56,063 Okay. Hand me your plate. 1557 01:21:26,340 --> 01:21:29,184 Hey, bro. You hungry? 'Cause I'm going to get something to eat. 1558 01:21:29,259 --> 01:21:32,263 Thanks, man. I think I'm just gonna work through lunch. 1559 01:21:32,429 --> 01:21:37,526 A work ethic. I love it. That is why this country is still number one. 1560 01:21:38,102 --> 01:21:41,857 Well, behind Germany and France and Belgium and Japan and China and... 1561 01:21:42,272 --> 01:21:44,525 Thank God for Bangladesh. 1562 01:21:45,275 --> 01:21:48,779 By the way, why did you take your door off its lovely hinges? 1563 01:21:48,862 --> 01:21:51,285 It was dumb, man. Something I saw in a management book. 1564 01:21:51,448 --> 01:21:55,203 Oh, right, right. Like, that's how Warren Buffett got rich. 1565 01:21:55,285 --> 01:21:57,037 He took doors off of things. 1566 01:21:57,121 --> 01:21:59,123 Hey, everybody wants a shortcut in life. 1567 01:21:59,206 --> 01:22:02,050 My guidebook is very simple. You wanna lose weight? 1568 01:22:02,209 --> 01:22:03,381 Stop eating, fatty. 1569 01:22:03,502 --> 01:22:04,628 You wanna make money? 1570 01:22:04,711 --> 01:22:06,713 Work your ass off, lazy. 1571 01:22:06,797 --> 01:22:07,923 You wanna be happy? 1572 01:22:08,006 --> 01:22:10,225 Find someone you like and never let him go. 1573 01:22:10,467 --> 01:22:13,471 Or her, if you're into that Kind of creepy shit. 1574 01:22:26,316 --> 01:22:28,819 Hi, you've reached Jamie Rellis. I can't pick up the phone right now 1575 01:22:28,902 --> 01:22:31,496 but please leave a message and I'll call you back. 1576 01:22:38,662 --> 01:22:41,666 Mom, Mom, you gotta point it at the screen. You gotta tell it where you are. 1577 01:22:42,332 --> 01:22:45,711 Fine. I'm over here pouring myself a drink. 1578 01:22:49,756 --> 01:22:53,181 Booty call. I can take a walk around the block. 1579 01:22:53,260 --> 01:22:55,854 No, no. Nope, that's okay. 1580 01:22:55,929 --> 01:22:57,681 This is your apartment. I don't wanna twat-block you. 1581 01:23:00,684 --> 01:23:02,527 That's Dylan, right? 1582 01:23:02,686 --> 01:23:04,484 - He seemed pretty great. - You met him once. 1583 01:23:04,563 --> 01:23:06,406 Well, that's more than anybody else you've dated. 1584 01:23:06,690 --> 01:23:09,694 I don't know, you think maybe I keep my worlds apart for some crazy reason? 1585 01:23:20,871 --> 01:23:23,374 I am an asshole. 1586 01:23:24,041 --> 01:23:27,136 We're looking for someone to lead the redesign of our entire website. 1587 01:23:27,211 --> 01:23:28,963 Someone to turn it completely upside down. 1588 01:23:29,046 --> 01:23:30,798 But you can't tell me what company you work for? 1589 01:23:30,881 --> 01:23:33,430 For confidentiality reasons, no. 1590 01:23:33,550 --> 01:23:34,767 Can you give me a hint? 1591 01:23:34,885 --> 01:23:38,890 We may or may not be the largest seller of purchased goods on the Internet. 1592 01:23:38,972 --> 01:23:41,316 And by 'purchased goods, ” I mean books. 1593 01:23:41,725 --> 01:23:44,319 You just placed the new art director over at GQ, right? 1594 01:23:44,394 --> 01:23:45,441 Yeah. 1595 01:23:45,562 --> 01:23:48,441 That's the type of guy we want. Shoot, that's the guy we want. 1596 01:23:48,565 --> 01:23:49,566 Can you get him to come out to us? 1597 01:23:50,400 --> 01:23:52,994 No longer have a relationship with him. 1598 01:23:53,111 --> 01:23:55,955 - Can you get to him? - He's still in the first year of his contract, 1599 01:23:56,073 --> 01:23:58,496 so that would be inappropriate. 1600 01:23:58,575 --> 01:24:00,669 So is paying full price for a book at Barnes & Noble, 1601 01:24:00,744 --> 01:24:01,916 but people do dumb shit. 1602 01:24:05,582 --> 01:24:08,085 Hi, you've reached Jamie Rellis. I can't pick up the phone right now 1603 01:24:08,168 --> 01:24:10,262 but please leave a message and I'll call you back. 1604 01:24:10,420 --> 01:24:13,424 Wow, right to voice mail. Didn't even ring. 1605 01:24:25,686 --> 01:24:26,938 Jamie. 1606 01:24:28,855 --> 01:24:31,153 How'd you know I was up here? 1607 01:24:32,442 --> 01:24:34,285 Only place in the city you don't get reception. 1608 01:24:34,361 --> 01:24:35,613 Right. 1609 01:24:35,779 --> 01:24:37,873 - Why are you avoiding me? - I'm not. 1610 01:24:38,156 --> 01:24:40,124 Really? Come on, Jamie. 1611 01:24:40,284 --> 01:24:44,289 Well, Dylan, I don't know if you've heard, but I am seriously fucked up. 1612 01:24:44,997 --> 01:24:48,968 I mean, Magnum P.I. couldn't solve the shit going on up here. 1613 01:24:49,960 --> 01:24:52,258 - Oh, my God, I'm sorry. - But I'm just gonna go 1614 01:24:52,337 --> 01:24:55,637 and try to fix the shit going on up in my head, if that's even possible. 1615 01:24:56,300 --> 01:25:00,021 I shouldn't have said that. I was just trying to get my sister off my back. 1616 01:25:00,137 --> 01:25:02,356 - She thought we liked each other. - Yeah, me, too, Dylan. 1617 01:25:02,472 --> 01:25:03,473 I thought we were friends. 1618 01:25:03,557 --> 01:25:06,151 But friends don't go talking shit about each other, 1619 01:25:06,226 --> 01:25:09,605 which must mean that you and I were actually never friends. 1620 01:25:09,688 --> 01:25:13,113 - That all you wanted was to get in my pants. - What? 1621 01:25:13,191 --> 01:25:15,410 You jumped at the chance at your dad's house. 1622 01:25:15,485 --> 01:25:16,577 You cracked your neck. 1623 01:25:16,653 --> 01:25:18,781 I thought you were giving me a sign. We talked about this. 1624 01:25:18,864 --> 01:25:20,207 Oh, my God, really? 1625 01:25:20,324 --> 01:25:22,577 You pulled my robe off. "Oopsy." Remember? 1626 01:25:22,659 --> 01:25:24,878 Yeah. And then you snuck out of the room. 1627 01:25:24,995 --> 01:25:26,167 "Oopsy." Remember that? 1628 01:25:27,164 --> 01:25:30,168 Are you pissed off at me because I didn't cuddle? 1629 01:25:32,002 --> 01:25:36,098 Isn't that why we started this whole arrangement in the first place? 1630 01:25:36,256 --> 01:25:37,929 You wanted this. 1631 01:25:40,594 --> 01:25:42,187 I wanted this? 1632 01:25:43,221 --> 01:25:44,518 Just me? 1633 01:25:44,848 --> 01:25:48,148 God, you are just like every other guy. 1634 01:25:48,226 --> 01:25:51,025 The sad thing is, Dylan, I actually thought you were different. 1635 01:25:51,104 --> 01:25:53,357 Different from what? I'm not your boyfriend, I'm your friend. 1636 01:25:54,191 --> 01:25:56,364 Well, with friends like you, who needs friends? 1637 01:25:59,112 --> 01:26:03,538 And thank you for ruining my mountaintop. 1638 01:26:04,409 --> 01:26:05,706 Asshole. 1639 01:26:12,626 --> 01:26:14,594 Hey, man, you can't be up here. 1640 01:26:15,462 --> 01:26:16,634 Okay. 1641 01:26:16,922 --> 01:26:19,596 - You okay? - I'm fine. 1642 01:26:46,243 --> 01:26:48,291 Bryce, is this for me? 1643 01:26:48,578 --> 01:26:50,956 Yeah. And so is this. 1644 01:26:51,331 --> 01:26:53,925 Madison, will you many me? 1645 01:26:54,251 --> 01:26:56,174 You bet your ass, Flapjack! 1646 01:26:58,422 --> 01:27:00,675 - I love New York. - I love you. 1647 01:27:01,425 --> 01:27:03,302 Oh, my God. Look, the Empire State Building. 1648 01:27:03,510 --> 01:27:04,682 Wow. 1649 01:27:04,761 --> 01:27:06,354 Oh, look, the Statue of Liberty. 1650 01:27:13,687 --> 01:27:15,109 Hello, this is Jamie. 1651 01:27:16,940 --> 01:27:18,863 What do you mean they went to him directly? 1652 01:27:19,943 --> 01:27:21,445 Well, is he gonna take it? 1653 01:27:21,611 --> 01:27:24,706 No, no, no, no, no. I'll handle it. I'll call him right now. 1654 01:27:24,781 --> 01:27:25,953 Okay. 1655 01:27:29,703 --> 01:27:31,455 Hey this is Dylan. Leave a message. 1656 01:27:39,838 --> 01:27:41,511 Excuse me. May I help you? 1657 01:27:41,715 --> 01:27:43,763 Oh, hi. Where's Dylan Harper? 1658 01:27:43,842 --> 01:27:45,469 He's at a photo shoot for the sports issue. 1659 01:27:45,969 --> 01:27:49,223 That's right. The photo shoot. Where was that again? 1660 01:27:49,473 --> 01:27:50,565 I'm sorry. Who are you? 1661 01:27:51,308 --> 01:27:52,480 One of the models. 1662 01:27:53,185 --> 01:27:55,313 I have the perfect body for Photoshop. 1663 01:27:55,812 --> 01:27:59,407 Yeah, this gets more angular, these get longer, 1664 01:27:59,524 --> 01:28:01,822 and this gets way more Christian. 1665 01:28:02,319 --> 01:28:04,413 So where did you say he was again? 1666 01:28:05,489 --> 01:28:08,868 Sports is the last chance we have of bringing our world together, bro. 1667 01:28:09,034 --> 01:28:12,083 So I just wanted to shoot some photos that speak to that, 1668 01:28:12,162 --> 01:28:14,540 to the unification of all people through sports. 1669 01:28:14,664 --> 01:28:16,041 Okay, guys. Let's go. 1670 01:28:16,666 --> 01:28:17,838 That's it. 1671 01:28:18,376 --> 01:28:19,593 Beautiful. 1672 01:28:19,753 --> 01:28:21,471 Okay, now put your arms around each other, 1673 01:28:21,546 --> 01:28:23,890 like you like each other, like you love each other. 1674 01:28:24,257 --> 01:28:26,510 - Too gay? - A little bit. 1675 01:28:26,760 --> 01:28:28,888 Throw some girls in there. 1676 01:28:29,012 --> 01:28:31,356 Come on, ladies. Hop to. 1677 01:28:32,933 --> 01:28:36,233 Girls, girls. Okay, look. Just blend in. 1678 01:28:36,686 --> 01:28:38,905 Okay, let's go boy, girl, boy... 1679 01:28:39,022 --> 01:28:40,865 - Dylan. - ...boy, boy, boy, boys. 1680 01:28:41,691 --> 01:28:43,534 - What are you doing here? - You met for another job! 1681 01:28:43,610 --> 01:28:46,363 - What, are you gonna leave now? - I don't know. Yeah, I took one meeting. 1682 01:28:46,446 --> 01:28:48,869 - I can't believe you. - Come here. 1683 01:28:49,908 --> 01:28:52,002 - Is this your way of getting back at me? - What? 1684 01:28:52,077 --> 01:28:54,205 You know that if you leave before a year is up, I get screwed. 1685 01:28:54,454 --> 01:28:55,922 Oh, right. 1686 01:28:56,039 --> 01:28:57,256 If I did leave, 1687 01:28:57,374 --> 01:29:00,173 which I don't know yet because all I did was take one meeting, 1688 01:29:00,252 --> 01:29:02,095 I'd write you a check for your bonus. 1689 01:29:03,380 --> 01:29:05,758 Whatever it is, I'll pay for it. Happy now? We good? 1690 01:29:06,049 --> 01:29:08,222 - Why didn't you tell me you were looking? - That's personal. 1691 01:29:08,301 --> 01:29:10,599 And we're not friends any more. You made that pretty clear. 1692 01:29:12,138 --> 01:29:15,813 See, all I wanted to do was have sex with you. Remember? 1693 01:29:16,560 --> 01:29:18,153 Pretend you were the best friend I'd ever had. 1694 01:29:18,228 --> 01:29:20,071 Open up to you like I've never done with anyone ever. 1695 01:29:20,397 --> 01:29:23,742 And then when the sex stopped, invite you to LA for the weekend 1696 01:29:25,318 --> 01:29:26,786 to introduce you to my family. 1697 01:29:28,321 --> 01:29:30,744 - I'll send you a check if I take the job. - Don't bother. 1698 01:29:35,787 --> 01:29:37,835 Why don't you pick him up? 1699 01:29:38,248 --> 01:29:40,842 Yeah. Just pick him on up. 1700 01:29:41,126 --> 01:29:43,254 Oh, you little Christ figure, you! 1701 01:30:07,444 --> 01:30:09,788 - Hey, Dyl. - Dad's coming into Newark Airport, right? 1702 01:30:09,863 --> 01:30:11,615 Yeah, he leaves at 9:00 our time. 1703 01:30:11,781 --> 01:30:14,625 9:00. So it's a five-hour flight, three-hour time difference, 1704 01:30:14,701 --> 01:30:17,329 so he gets in at 321007 1705 01:30:17,454 --> 01:30:20,458 5:00. Be there at 5:00, Dylan. 1706 01:30:20,707 --> 01:30:22,675 Right. How is Dad? 1707 01:30:24,336 --> 01:30:26,839 He's lost more often than not now. 1708 01:30:26,963 --> 01:30:29,967 But then he has these moments of real clarity. It's hit or miss. 1709 01:30:30,050 --> 01:30:31,222 - Okay. - How's Jamie? 1710 01:30:33,720 --> 01:30:35,313 - That's over. - Oh, Dylan! 1711 01:30:35,472 --> 01:30:38,521 - Okay, we're done. - Don't be an idiot, please. 1712 01:30:38,642 --> 01:30:40,986 Thank you, Annie. I'll pick up Dad tomorrow at the airport. 1713 01:30:41,061 --> 01:30:42,813 - 32:00 sharp. - I love you. 1714 01:30:46,483 --> 01:30:47,860 I don't know what it is. 1715 01:30:47,984 --> 01:30:50,487 I just can't get myself to start looking for a replacement for him, 1716 01:30:50,570 --> 01:30:51,662 assuming that he leaves. 1717 01:30:51,738 --> 01:30:54,958 - Do you want some motherly love advice? - Not really. 1718 01:30:55,033 --> 01:30:56,785 Oh, good, 'cause I don't know how to do that. 1719 01:30:56,868 --> 01:31:00,463 What I do know is that it's no great goddamn secret 1720 01:31:00,538 --> 01:31:03,257 you live in fear of repeating my mistakes. 1721 01:31:03,333 --> 01:31:05,427 And you're not wrong, so learn from me. 1722 01:31:05,669 --> 01:31:08,673 Do you know how many men in my life I thought were really perfect? 1723 01:31:08,880 --> 01:31:10,006 - Eighty. - One. 1724 01:31:10,173 --> 01:31:11,846 - Eighty-one? - One. 1725 01:31:12,050 --> 01:31:14,519 It was your dad. Greatest man I ever met. 1726 01:31:14,594 --> 01:31:16,267 Obviously. Look at you. 1727 01:31:16,346 --> 01:31:19,566 How smart you are, how great, how funny, how driven. 1728 01:31:19,683 --> 01:31:21,026 Your vaguely Middle Eastern beauty. 1729 01:31:21,101 --> 01:31:23,854 Sure as hell didn't all come from me. 1730 01:31:24,187 --> 01:31:26,281 Okay, but, seriously, Mom, 1731 01:31:26,356 --> 01:31:28,700 do you really not remember where my dad's from? 1732 01:31:28,900 --> 01:31:30,527 Or is it like a coping mechanism? 1733 01:31:30,610 --> 01:31:32,408 - A little of both. - Okay. 1734 01:31:32,529 --> 01:31:35,032 But I'm pretty sure he's Eurasian. 1735 01:31:36,199 --> 01:31:39,874 I mean, we all have our Prince Charming, you just gotta know him when you see him. 1736 01:31:40,036 --> 01:31:42,539 Mom, it's Prince Charming. You should just know. 1737 01:31:42,622 --> 01:31:45,876 Well, your Prince Charming isn't coming to rescue you in a horse and carriage. 1738 01:31:45,959 --> 01:31:47,632 That's not who you want. 1739 01:31:47,711 --> 01:31:51,636 I mean, you're looking for a man to be your partner. 1740 01:31:52,549 --> 01:31:54,267 To take on the world with. 1741 01:31:54,384 --> 01:31:57,137 You gotta update your fairytale, baby. 1742 01:31:57,762 --> 01:31:59,605 My Prince Charming? 1743 01:32:00,306 --> 01:32:01,649 You. 1744 01:32:01,808 --> 01:32:02,900 Mom. 1745 01:32:25,165 --> 01:32:28,760 - Hey. - A wheelchair. Like I'm an invalid. 1746 01:32:28,918 --> 01:32:30,465 - How was the flight? - I'm hungry. 1747 01:32:30,587 --> 01:32:32,305 You know they don't serve food in coach any more? 1748 01:32:32,422 --> 01:32:34,675 You'd think with these new planes, they practically fly themselves, 1749 01:32:34,758 --> 01:32:37,307 they could get rid of a pilot and use his salary for a hot lunch. 1750 01:32:37,427 --> 01:32:39,850 - I know, right? Let's get you some food. - God. 1751 01:32:40,305 --> 01:32:42,524 The engineering on these planes is so advanced. 1752 01:32:42,599 --> 01:32:43,816 Completely computerized. 1753 01:32:43,933 --> 01:32:45,935 - It's like playing a video game. - Exactly. 1754 01:32:46,102 --> 01:32:48,946 God. How long have we been waiting here? It's ridiculous. 1755 01:32:49,105 --> 01:32:51,153 I'll be right back, okay? 1756 01:32:53,943 --> 01:32:55,991 Excuse me. We've been waiting a while. 1757 01:32:56,112 --> 01:32:57,785 - Harper. - Yeah, I got you. I got you. 1758 01:32:57,864 --> 01:32:59,491 I have to seat people in the order they came. 1759 01:32:59,616 --> 01:33:01,539 I totally understand that, but I'm with my dad 1760 01:33:01,618 --> 01:33:03,495 - and he's not in the best shape. - I'm sorry. 1761 01:33:03,661 --> 01:33:05,459 Is there no way we could, like, squeeze a table? 1762 01:33:05,830 --> 01:33:08,379 No, I gotta go by the list. Sorry. 1763 01:33:12,295 --> 01:33:13,467 Dad? 1764 01:33:20,303 --> 01:33:21,475 Dad? 1765 01:33:22,806 --> 01:33:24,308 Shit. Dad? 1766 01:33:37,028 --> 01:33:38,496 You gonna join me? 1767 01:33:48,206 --> 01:33:49,833 Absolutely. 1768 01:33:54,546 --> 01:33:56,344 Excuse me, sir. I'm sorry, you cannot do this. 1769 01:33:56,422 --> 01:33:58,641 Could I get a steak, medium, please? 1770 01:33:58,716 --> 01:34:00,684 - Sir, this is the Daily Grill. - Make that two. 1771 01:34:09,853 --> 01:34:11,230 Dede? Dede! 1772 01:34:20,196 --> 01:34:21,368 Dad. 1773 01:34:21,865 --> 01:34:23,208 Dad. 1774 01:34:27,036 --> 01:34:28,128 Who is Dede? 1775 01:34:28,913 --> 01:34:33,214 Jesus. She's just a girl that I met in the Navy. 1776 01:34:34,294 --> 01:34:35,716 Was... 1777 01:34:38,214 --> 01:34:39,807 She was the love of my life. 1778 01:34:41,384 --> 01:34:42,431 Okay? 1779 01:34:43,553 --> 01:34:44,896 Why didn't you tell me about her before? 1780 01:34:45,054 --> 01:34:47,898 This is not something you discuss with your children. 1781 01:34:47,974 --> 01:34:50,853 And besides, I have you and Annie. I have no regrets. 1782 01:34:50,935 --> 01:34:51,982 So tell me now. 1783 01:34:54,230 --> 01:34:55,607 She was the love of my life. 1784 01:34:55,732 --> 01:34:56,984 And I was too stupid to realize it, 1785 01:34:57,066 --> 01:35:00,161 and I lost her because of something so dumb I don't even remember. 1786 01:35:00,904 --> 01:35:02,326 And I never really got over her. 1787 01:35:02,906 --> 01:35:06,661 And I think that may be one of the reasons your mom left. 1788 01:35:07,911 --> 01:35:11,461 You know, my friends used to say that when Dede and I looked at each other, 1789 01:35:11,581 --> 01:35:12,753 it was electric. 1790 01:35:12,832 --> 01:35:14,084 And I let her go. 1791 01:35:14,500 --> 01:35:15,843 I just let her go. 1792 01:35:15,919 --> 01:35:19,469 Because I was too damn proud to tell her howl really felt about her. 1793 01:35:20,173 --> 01:35:22,767 I'll tell you something that I wish I knew when I was your age. 1794 01:35:22,926 --> 01:35:24,769 And I know you've heard a million times, "life is short." 1795 01:35:24,844 --> 01:35:28,439 But let me tell you something, what this is teaching me 1796 01:35:28,514 --> 01:35:31,643 is that life is goddamn short and you can't waste a minute of it. 1797 01:35:34,270 --> 01:35:36,113 I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 1798 01:35:40,610 --> 01:35:44,456 The girl I brought home to LA, Jamie? 1799 01:35:44,530 --> 01:35:47,204 - Yeah, what's going on with her? - I think I messed it up. 1800 01:35:47,700 --> 01:35:49,293 - Fix it. - She won't talk to me. 1801 01:35:49,619 --> 01:35:51,747 Maybe she'll listen. There's always a way. 1802 01:35:51,829 --> 01:35:56,505 If you think there's even a chance that she could be it, you fix it. 1803 01:35:58,628 --> 01:35:59,880 Did Annie put you up to this? 1804 01:36:00,630 --> 01:36:01,802 Who's Annie? 1805 01:36:02,340 --> 01:36:03,512 I'm kidding. 1806 01:36:03,633 --> 01:36:05,931 What, I can't joke about this? 1807 01:36:06,010 --> 01:36:08,513 - Jesus Christ, Dad. - I don't know what else to do. 1808 01:36:10,348 --> 01:36:11,474 Let's go. 1809 01:36:11,849 --> 01:36:13,897 You don't want to finish your steak? 1810 01:36:13,977 --> 01:36:16,856 We're eating in the goddamn airport. I can leave the steak. Come on. 1811 01:36:17,355 --> 01:36:21,326 Yeah, hey, this is Dylan Harper from GQ. We meta few weeks ago at the... 1812 01:36:21,401 --> 01:36:23,870 Right. Hey, can I ask you a huge favor? 1813 01:36:24,195 --> 01:36:26,664 - I am so sorry, sir. - It's my fault. 1814 01:36:26,739 --> 01:36:28,286 - You just scared me. - No, no. My fault. You all right? 1815 01:36:28,366 --> 01:36:29,868 - Yeah, I'm good. - Here, let me help you with that. 1816 01:36:29,993 --> 01:36:32,587 - Thanks, man. You're really nice. - All right. Hey, safe travels. 1817 01:36:32,662 --> 01:36:34,164 - All right, thanks, man. - Okay, thank you. 1818 01:36:34,914 --> 01:36:38,760 You gotta be fucking kidding me. All right, let's dance, Clowny Brown. 1819 01:36:38,918 --> 01:36:41,592 - What's your problem with me? - I saw you at that bar with Jamie. 1820 01:36:41,838 --> 01:36:45,433 How could such an awesome girl be with this over this? 1821 01:36:46,175 --> 01:36:49,019 I've been trying to take that little monkey to pound-town for years. 1822 01:36:49,512 --> 01:36:51,355 - I'll tell her you say hello. - What? 1823 01:36:51,556 --> 01:36:53,604 You missed a little. There you go. 1824 01:36:53,683 --> 01:36:55,356 Dylan! I got a cab. Come on. 1825 01:36:55,435 --> 01:36:56,857 I ever run into you again, 1826 01:36:56,936 --> 01:36:59,359 I'll crush your earlobes and make soup stock out of them. 1827 01:36:59,522 --> 01:37:01,524 - You have a vivid imagination. - I do! 1828 01:37:01,607 --> 01:37:03,951 - I'm gonna get in the cab now. - I'm gonna go make soup! 1829 01:37:04,027 --> 01:37:05,904 - What's the matter with her? - I don't know. 1830 01:37:10,033 --> 01:37:13,378 God! I thought LA was bad. This traffic is terrible. 1831 01:37:13,536 --> 01:37:14,788 Is there another way into the city? 1832 01:37:25,214 --> 01:37:27,308 I owe you big time, Tommy. 1833 01:37:27,383 --> 01:37:31,763 You'll make it up to me. Actually, I was heading into town anyway. 1834 01:37:32,263 --> 01:37:36,564 Tonight's the Butterfly Ball. Great place to pick up dudes. 1835 01:37:36,726 --> 01:37:38,899 - You okay, Dad? - Are you kidding? 1836 01:37:39,062 --> 01:37:42,362 1937 Chris-Craft? Couldn't get any better, buddy. 1837 01:37:42,440 --> 01:37:43,566 Nice. 1838 01:37:45,818 --> 01:37:47,991 Yeah. Hi, this is Dylan. We met at... 1839 01:37:48,071 --> 01:37:51,166 Right. Can I ask you a huge favor? 1840 01:37:55,661 --> 01:37:58,005 My number. Here's the remote. 1841 01:37:58,247 --> 01:38:01,421 My friend Dave from across the hall, his oven broke, so he'll be using the kitchen. 1842 01:38:01,501 --> 01:38:04,846 Your friend Dave is here using the kitchen or watching me? 1843 01:38:05,254 --> 01:38:06,597 Go. 1844 01:38:06,756 --> 01:38:08,303 - Holy... - What? 1845 01:38:08,424 --> 01:38:10,267 "How to wear white pants to a cookout." 1846 01:38:10,426 --> 01:38:13,521 Did you scoop the Times on this? I smell Pulitzer. 1847 01:38:14,097 --> 01:38:15,314 All right, all right. 1848 01:38:15,431 --> 01:38:16,853 Just say hello to her for me, will you? 1849 01:38:17,850 --> 01:38:19,272 See you, Dad. 1850 01:38:20,603 --> 01:38:21,775 Thanks, man. 1851 01:38:22,146 --> 01:38:23,693 Hi, Dave from across the hall. 1852 01:38:23,773 --> 01:38:27,494 Hi, Mr. Harper. How are you? 1853 01:38:28,361 --> 01:38:29,954 And now we know why you're here. 1854 01:38:30,947 --> 01:38:34,542 Mom, I'm over by the Lexington exit. Where are you? 1855 01:38:34,617 --> 01:38:36,745 I'm standing right by the guy in the tie. 1856 01:38:36,828 --> 01:38:40,503 - There are a million guys in ties. - So look for the guy I'm standing next to. 1857 01:38:40,623 --> 01:38:43,467 You never do what you say you're gonna do. When am I gonna learn? 1858 01:38:43,668 --> 01:38:45,170 Just hang on, baby. 1859 01:38:49,799 --> 01:38:50,891 What? 1860 01:38:53,219 --> 01:38:55,142 I don't think I'm gonna be able to make it after al/. 1861 01:38:55,221 --> 01:38:57,349 Something came up. Let's meet tomorrow. 1862 01:38:57,473 --> 01:39:00,568 I'll be on the stairs. Right across from you. 1863 01:39:05,022 --> 01:39:06,490 Oh, my God. 1864 01:39:06,858 --> 01:39:08,326 Have a great night, baby. 1865 01:39:27,712 --> 01:39:29,259 What is this? 1866 01:39:29,380 --> 01:39:32,054 It's Closing Time, by the band Semisonic! 1867 01:39:32,341 --> 01:39:34,639 It's not Third Eye Blind. Can you believe that? 1868 01:39:34,719 --> 01:39:37,518 No, no, no. Not the song. This. 1869 01:39:37,722 --> 01:39:39,724 You said you wanted your life to be like a movie. 1870 01:39:40,683 --> 01:39:44,278 Sorry I had to use the real Grand Central instead of the fake one. 1871 01:39:51,027 --> 01:39:52,119 Listen, Jamie, I'm... 1872 01:39:52,195 --> 01:39:54,368 I'm having trouble hearing you! 1873 01:39:54,447 --> 01:39:56,324 Yeah, I didn't really think this through. 1874 01:39:56,407 --> 01:39:58,751 I guess in the movies the guy pours his heart out 1875 01:39:58,868 --> 01:40:00,245 and they put the music in later. 1876 01:40:00,411 --> 01:40:01,583 What? 1877 01:40:04,874 --> 01:40:06,046 I messed up. 1878 01:40:07,043 --> 01:40:08,545 I was scared. 1879 01:40:09,378 --> 01:40:11,096 Look at what happened with my mom and my dad. 1880 01:40:11,214 --> 01:40:12,306 Of course I was scared. 1881 01:40:13,132 --> 01:40:14,554 So I ruined it. 1882 01:40:15,718 --> 01:40:17,516 Everything that happens in the day, 1883 01:40:17,595 --> 01:40:20,769 all I can think to myself is, "I can't wait to tell Jamie about this." 1884 01:40:21,766 --> 01:40:24,895 When I see someone cursing, all I picture is you blinking. 1885 01:40:25,728 --> 01:40:30,325 And when I hear a kid's been cured of cancer, I pray it's not by that douchebag, 1886 01:40:30,399 --> 01:40:33,323 tree-hugging fucking doctor who ran out on you. 1887 01:40:33,569 --> 01:40:37,949 I mean, cancer being cured is awesome, but, you know, I wish someone else did it. 1888 01:40:38,824 --> 01:40:40,121 Come on. 1889 01:40:45,081 --> 01:40:47,425 Hey, I miss you. 1890 01:40:47,583 --> 01:40:49,426 Yeah, I miss you, too. 1891 01:40:49,627 --> 01:40:51,595 But you're not wrong, I am damaged. 1892 01:40:51,754 --> 01:40:53,973 So am I. Who isn't? 1893 01:40:54,257 --> 01:40:56,134 That's what makes us so awesome. 1894 01:40:56,259 --> 01:40:57,932 - And our tattoos. - Yeah. 1895 01:41:00,096 --> 01:41:02,599 - No, no, no. - Shut up. It's not what you think. 1896 01:41:03,140 --> 01:41:05,609 Jamie, will you be my best friend again? 1897 01:41:06,644 --> 01:41:08,942 - That is so lame. - I know. 1898 01:41:10,106 --> 01:41:11,733 That's some Prince Charming shit, though, right? 1899 01:41:11,816 --> 01:41:13,033 - Get up. - Okay. 1900 01:41:14,610 --> 01:41:17,830 Look, I can live without ever having sex with you again. 1901 01:41:18,197 --> 01:41:20,040 It'd be really hard. 1902 01:41:20,491 --> 01:41:23,335 Hey, I want my best friend back, 1903 01:41:23,619 --> 01:41:25,462 because I'm in love with her. 1904 01:41:26,330 --> 01:41:28,799 - Under one condition. - Anything. 1905 01:41:30,626 --> 01:41:31,969 Kiss me. 1906 01:41:33,546 --> 01:41:36,174 - In public? In front of all these people? - I did not ask you to... 1907 01:41:55,818 --> 01:41:57,820 You can all go home now. 1908 01:42:04,076 --> 01:42:06,044 Okay. So... 1909 01:42:08,998 --> 01:42:11,171 - What do we do now? - Have our first date. 1910 01:42:11,542 --> 01:42:12,668 Okay. 1911 01:42:15,838 --> 01:42:18,933 Oh, my God! Did you get a horse and carriage? 1912 01:42:20,009 --> 01:42:21,852 Yeah, that's not for you. 1913 01:42:22,053 --> 01:42:25,102 Oh, thank God. Horses actually scare the shit out of me. 1914 01:42:25,264 --> 01:42:26,516 - Really? - Yeah. 1915 01:42:26,682 --> 01:42:27,934 So, where are you from? 1916 01:42:28,017 --> 01:42:30,566 - Outside of Philly, actually. - Interesting. 1917 01:42:30,770 --> 01:42:34,365 - I'm from LA, just moved to New York. - Interesting. Didn't really ask, but go on. 1918 01:42:34,440 --> 01:42:37,740 What? I'm excited, I'm on a first date. So... 1919 01:42:38,069 --> 01:42:40,242 This isn't weird at all. 1920 01:42:40,363 --> 01:42:42,536 - We're okay. - Yeah. Thank you. 1921 01:42:44,909 --> 01:42:46,536 So... 1922 01:42:49,121 --> 01:42:50,714 Yeah, fuck it. 1923 01:49:01,910 --> 01:49:05,665 Roll credits, roll credits, roll credits. And here come the outtakes. 1924 01:49:06,081 --> 01:49:09,426 Because if the actors had a good time making it, it must be good. 1925 01:49:09,585 --> 01:49:11,428 You bet your ass, Jason. 1926 01:49:12,004 --> 01:49:14,427 Oh, my God, I just called him Jason. 1927 01:49:14,506 --> 01:49:16,258 Look, the crew's laughing. 1928 01:49:17,259 --> 01:49:20,138 They made me do it! They made me do it. 1929 01:49:20,804 --> 01:49:22,272 It's my favorite part.